Horrible Bosses
by x.Cult Of Personality.x
Summary: Is your boss a slave driving psycho? Is your boss a lust-crazed maneater? Is your boss a total sleazy tool? Ever wish your boss were dead? Well, they do. And they're not taking it anymore.
1. Chapter 1

**_AN: Ok, so it's been a while since I posted another story on here, and I figured since The Shield is my current obsession at the moment, I'd upload a little something. :P This one's a parody of the movie Horrible Bosses and I figured it'd be...interesting to say the least. :) Partly rated M for language, crude humor, etc. Anyways, hope it's to your liking!_**

* * *

Chapter 1

It was another bright, early morning, where one particular employee was rushing towards a soulless four-story building in a drab office parking lot. The man was none other than Dean Ambrose, and he quickly exited his car and ran full-speed toward the entrance. This was the fourth time this week his alarm clock had gone off late and made him tardy for his miserable job, and damn it, he really just didn't want to hear it from his skinflint boss about him being late again. But still...his job had a lot in common with him - drab, miserable, and just plain dead. At least, that's how he felt on the inside, anyway.

Dean's VO: _"I get to work before the sun comes up and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in six months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime. Could be a kiwi, no way to tell. But here's the thing, this is just temporary."_

Entering the lobby, Dean bursted through the doors and looked at his watch, reading '6:02.' He looked up at a security camera with a flashing red light, finding that he and his lateness was caught on tape. Again.

"Fuck!" he cursed.

_"Quick story. My grandmother came to this country with twenty dollars in her pocket. She worked hard her whole life and never took shit from anyone. When she died, she had turned that twenty dollars into two thousand dollars. That blows! You know why she didn't succeed? Because she didn't take shit from anyone. The key to success, and they won't teach you this in business school, is taking shit. That's exactly what I've been doing for the last eight years and it's all about to pay off." _

Later, at his cubicle, Dean was at his desk inputting information from a large pile of documents into a spreadsheet on his computer. The clock on his computer turned to 8:00 A.M.

_"I'm this close to getting a big promotion, with my own office. Then all the endless hours, and the sacrifice, and the shit eating will have been fucking worth it."_

"Dean." a familiar voice called, startling him. He whipped around to see his boss, the grim - JFK-esque-looking - John Laurinaitis standing behind him.

"Yeah?"

"See you in my office?"

Moments later, the two were locked in his office while Laurinaitis was reviewing the entrance tape and Dean's lateness. "See, this is what concerns me, Dean. You're a punctual guy. You know the importance of being here right at six a.m., which is what leads me to think that, there must be something wrong with the internal clock on our security system."

He shrugged. "May have been a minute late..." he muttered.

Laurinaitis continued, "But according to this, you were TWO minutes late. So either you're a liar, or this system is off by a full minute."

_"The only hitch...I work for this guy. John Laurinaitis. Who right now is giving me some fresh shit for being two minutes late. He's a **'Total Fucking Asshole'**."_

He went on, "And if that's the case, I have no choice but to dismiss Thomas, our longtime security coordinator."

Blinking nervously, Ambrose replied, "Okay, I might have been two minutes late..."

There was an uncomfortable beat of silence. Then...

"So you did lie." he said suspiciously.

"No, I -"

Laurinaitis picked up the phone.

"Who you callin'?" Dean asked, curious.

"Thomas. I'm letting him go."

"Waving his hands, he stopped him. "Wait! Okay, I guess I lied. Truthfully I was...two minutes. Late. ...Sorry." he said slowly and awkwardly, looking around the room. Well, towards the exit, anyway.

The boss man was NOT amused.

* * *

Meanwhile in the same town, a car pulled up outside a modest looking dental building. Inside, were one of Dean's best friends, Seth Rollins, along with his fiancee Kaitlyn. Her, like Seth himself, had quite a bit in common. Aside from their hair being the same two-toned shades of blonde and dark brown, they were High School sweethearts and have stayed in love ever since. The two lovebirds were laughing and smiling ever since they left their house and all during the ride to Seth's job.

Kaitlyn smiled and admired her engagement ring, saying, "Dude, I have to get used to driving with this heavy ring on. I keep swerving to the left!"

Seth chuckled and grinned at her. "Aww. You really like it?"

She returned his smile and nodded eagerly. "I love it, babe. I feel like a queen."

Seth's VO: _"When I was a kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. And I always gave the same answer."_

He gave his fiancee a passionate kiss and then adjusted his scrubs. "Well, you're my queen. I love you, Kaitlyn."

"I love you too, Seth. Have a great day at work, handsome." the blonde and raven haired woman smiled back, watching him head into the building before driving off.

_"I wanted to be a husband. I know that sounds weird. Most boys wanna be fire house chiefs or personal trainers, but to me being a husband was like the highest calling. And thanks to Kaitlyn, that dream's about to come true. Unfortunately, no one's gonna pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah. So, I had to find a job. Now, I always admired dentists. They're smart, they're capable, they keep your teeth healthy. So I went out and I became one."_

Rollins entered the dental office that he'd worked in, and exchanged a few 'Hellos' and 'Good Mornings' to his fellow colleagues as he went to find his room.

_"...Okay, I became a dental assistant. It's basically the same thing. I just make a LOT less money."_

Seth entered the waiting room, passing a few patients on the way. He grabbed a mask and goggles from a supply room, then headed into his assigned room, where he found his boss, Dr. Kelly Kelly hovering over a patient. Looking her over once again, Seth seemed visibly uneasy, but that was only because despite the blonde's uber sexiness, there was something...off about her.

She told the patient, "All right, Mr. Anderton, I'm going to give you the nitrous now and your root canal will be over before you know it." Then, she noticed Rollins' presence and smirked a bit. "Seth? Please."

Seth turned the valve on the tank and soon Mr. Anderton's eyes rolled back in his head. With the smile still on her face, Kelly shut the door, picked up a drill and began boring into the patient's molar. Over the drill, she called, "So, how are you today, Seth?"

"I'm fine. Thanks." he nodded.

Kelly glanced up at him. "You get a haircut?"

"Uh, no."

"Ah. Well, looks good anyway."

"Thank you."

"Do you ever see that show, Gossip Girl?" she asked next.

"Uh...no." he repeated.

Kelly smiled and chuckled a bit. "Mmm...I watched an episode last night...Number 7 scraper, please."

Seth handed her a tool.

"Thank you." she continued. "Anyway, I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, I broke a nail."

Rollins narrowed his eyes and tried to inch away from her. It didn't work.

_"...And it would have been the perfect job, if not for one **'Evil Crazy Bitch...D.D.S.'**."_

Seth sighed and looked down at the unconscious Mr. Anderton. This obviously wasn't the first time Kelly had spoken this way toward him, and he absolutely HATED it.

Kelly giggled and continued, "I bet you're no shrimp in the cock department, huh Seth?"

"Okay, Kelly. Come on!" he cried.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I'm not comfortable talking about that."

"Oh, Seth! Come on! You know that I like to fool around." And she enforced that statement by placing the hand of her patient onto her breast. Seth groaned inwardly.

Rollins exclaimed."Oh my...is this really necessary?! Guy's like...50 years old!"

Kelly looked towards the unconscious patient and cried mockingly, "Mr. Anderton! Not in the office! This is bad!" she slapped his hand over her boob repeatedly. "Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"...Probably shouldn't hit the patients." he shrugged meekly.

* * *

In the same town, Dean and Seth's best friend, Roman Reigns was headed into his job at the Bischoff Chemical Corporation, which laid in a medium-sized warehouse building in an industrial neighborhood. Reigns was young, very handsome, charming with the ladies, and was very popular at his job, and unlike Dean and Seth, Roman was very content in his workplace. His life really couldn't get any better, to be honest.

Roman's VO: _"I love my job. If you ask me, anyone who hates their job has no one to blame but themself. We make our own destinies, and I've made a sweet one here. I'm an account manager at a chemical company. And I'll tell you something, the job has its perks."_

After saying hello to some of his coworkers, a reasonably cute, but by no means drop-dead gorgeous, FedEx girl approached his desk with a package. "Excuse me? Can you sign for this, please?" she asked.

"Sure." he replied, taking the package and then catching a glimpse of her. "So, what's going on here?"

"Sorry?"

Reigns looked around and joked, "Is this one of those hidden camera shows?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"What I mean is that you're way too cute to be just a FedEx girl. I mean, you gotta be like a model or actress or something, right? Like what happens when I open up one of these boxes? Someone gonna jump out and bite me in the penis?" he asked, eliciting a laugh and a blush from her.

"No! Nothin's...nothin's gonna jump out. I'm just a FedEx girl."

"Shut up!" he cried playfully, chuckling along.

She laughed and then turned to leave. "Bye."

"Have a great afternoon."

"Thank you!"

_"I didn't actually sign the form by the way. So she has to come back." _he smirked.

"Busy week?" a voice chuckled from behind. Roman looked up at Eric Bischoff, the kindly, affectionate owner of the company.

"Hey, Eric. Yeah, just doing my part for the women of America." he chuckled in reply.

_"But the real reason I'm here, is this guy. Eric Bischoff, my boss. The sweetest man I know. He loves me and I love him. Everybody loves him."_

"You're what we used to call a rapscallion." Eric continued, still laughing.

Reigns shrugged cutely. "That sounds a lot more innocent than 'sex addict.'"

"Haha. Walk with me, Roman." he began as the two of them headed toward the exit. "I wanted to talk to you about -"

As they passed the unisex rest room, they saw Nikki Bella, attractive, yet clearly pregnant, looking uncomfortable as she waited to get in.

"Everything okay, Nikki?" he asked.

"Oh hi, Mr. Bischoff. Roman. I've just been waiting to get in there for a while now..."

"Who's in there?"

She uneasily looked around before whispering, "It's... your son."

Eric sighed. "Of course it is." he knocked on the door. "Garrett? Almost done in there?"

After a long beat of silence, the door opened and out stepped Garrett Bischoff. He was in his late-20s, weasely-looking, sniffled a bit too much and was rubbing his nose repeatedly. There was something just...unnatural about him in general.

"What the fuck?! A guy can't get any privacy in this place!" Garrett cried.

"Garrett?"

"What?"

"Is everything okay? You seem to be spending more time in the toilet than you do at your desk."

"I didn't...I didn't realize I had to tell you everytime I wanna take a dump." he spat.

Reigns narrowed his eyes in reply.

_"And if the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss's **'Dipshit Cokehead Son'**, well it's a small price to pay."_

Garrett continued, "You need me to tell you when I'm gonna pee-pee?"

Eric replied, "I'm just trying to get you do your part, son. It's not easy times you know."

"I do my part. I do other people's parts. But it doesn't matter to you, cause you just wanna ride on my ass because I'm your son." Then, he glanced towards Roman and gestured towards him. "You know what? I don't hear you giving Dick-Skin any shit."

Roman huffed. "Dick-skin. Nice."

"Kiss ass." Garrett spat back.

Eric motioned for Reigns to come inside of his office. "Come on. Come on."

"Yeah. Go on. In you go. Get in! Fucking..." he trailed off, flailing his hands about in a karate-chop motion. "I'm a green belt, motherfucker."

_"...What?" _Roman cried, raising an eyebrow.

* * *

Back at Dean's job...

Laurinaitis had hung up the phone and continued telling his employee, "Trust is everything in this office, my friend. I know you've been working your tail off for that promotion, but if I can't trust you, how can I make you Senior VP of Sales?"

Ambrose nodded. "I understand. You can trust me, sir."

"Now you sound like my wife." He glanced at a framed photo on his desk of the hot, bikini-clad Mrs. Laurinaitis (formerly Candice Michelle), standing on a beach. He imitated her. "'Trust me, honey, I love you so much.' 'Trust me.' Meanwhile, she's fucking every guy in the neighborhood." Still feeling bitter, he grabbed a glass and a bottle of scotch, pouring some. "Oh! You want?"

Dean blinked, feeling confused and uneasy. "It's...eight fifteen a.m."

"What? Is there something wrong with a manager drinking in the morning?"

He slowly shook his head. "No. Thank you. Sure. Thanks."

He handed Dean the glass of scotch. "Bottoms up."

"Nothing for you?"

"Dean, it's eight fifteen in the morning, I'm not an alcoholic."

Shocked, Dean blinked again and didn't know how to respond at first. "Wha-? Mr. Laurinaitis, the only reason I took one was because I thought you were gonna have one, so..."

He chuckled. "You took one because you thought I was gonna have one? Is that something you think a senior V.P. would do?"

"Just tryin' to be polite." he shrugged.

"So, what? If I uh...was gonna put my balls in honey and shaved coconut, you'd do that too?"

Dean quickly shook his head. "I...would not."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

"Cause I've got some coconut."

Silence.

"...Of course not." he finished. "Anyway, we've moved up the date of the AGM so you're gonna need to complete your due diligence by Monday. You'll probably need to be here all weekend."

"Okay..." Dean sighed miserably. Same shit, different day.

Laurinaitis eyed him down and cried, "Look, if you want a promotion, you gotta earn it. Now, what do I keep saying? Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting on a few band-aids on your nipple. Right?"

"Uh...yeah, whatever." he said slowly and uneasily, before turning to walk out of the office.

"Dean, it's eighteen year old scotch. You don't really expect me to pour it back into the bottle, do you?"

Ambrose reluctantly went back and picked up the glass of scotch, slowly and uncomfortably drinking the whole lot. As some of the liquid dribbled down his chin, the crap tasted so bad that he gagged once. Or twice.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Dental office...

"Okay, enough fun. Let's get back to work. Water, please." Kelly announced.

Seth nodded and handed Kelly the dental water spray.

"Alright, let see if this thing is working." she smirked, before spraying Seth in the crotch with the dental water. He gasped and jumped back, appalled.

"Ooh!" Kelly giggled.

"Oh, my God!" he cried.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Seth. Oh, you know what? I think, I can make out our little friend right there!" She squirted him in the crotch again with the water spray, looking and feeling as giddy (and horny) as ever.

"Stop it!" Rollins cried, whining.

The blonde eyed down the young man's crotch and licked her lips. "Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!"

Seth tried to cover the wet area between his legs and replied, "Can we stop doing this thing here?"

"Why? Because you have a girlfriend?"

Then, he smiled and blushed a bit. "Well, she's not just my girlfriend anymore. We're engaged now."

Kelly nearly dropped her spray and shot him what looked like a death glare, uttering in a low tone, "What?"

"We're engaged."

"You said that she was just a hole for your dick."

He gasped, offended. "Hey, I never said that! That's not even my style!"

Suddenly, the sound of Mr. Anderton groaning stopped their conversation.

Kelly pouted and called, "Shut up!" And with that, she quickly cranked up the machine, sending him back to sleep.

"That's a lot of...oh." Rollins trailed off.

* * *

At the Biscoff Chemical Corporation, Roman was walking Eric to his Cadillac.

"Tell me something, Roman. Are you happy here?" he asked.

He smiled. "You kidding? It's the best job in the world."

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Son, listen, I'm rewriting my will tonight and there's going to be a special place for you in there." he grinned, giving Roman a hug like a doting father, then climbing into his car. As Eric pulled out and began driving across the parking lot, Roman continued smiling and waved towards him. Suddenly, though, the car's horn began to honk in a constant blare, and seeing this, Roman slowly lowered his hand as the car veered off the pavement, slowly cruising into a tree where it stopped. His expression fell completely, as the horn continued honking. "...Oh, shit."

...

Later that night at Bradford's Bar, the guys' usual hangout...

Roman pouted at a table, looking depressed while he told Seth and Dean the story of what had happened earlier. "He had a heart attack. They said his um...heart burst in his chest like a water balloon."

Seth shook his head. "My God! I'm sorry, man. I...I know you guys were close."

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I loved that guy. I loved working for him, you know? It's like awesome. Now his shitbag son is gonna be in charge. And it's like..."

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "That...the cokehead?"

"Yeah. Do you know how many times I've caught him doing blow at work?"

Dean spoke up next. "This whole thing's a real fuckin' bummer, Rome. I'm sorry. You're the only one of us who didn't completely hate his job, man." A pause. "Did...did I tell you that Laurinaitis tricked me into having a drink at eight o'clock this morning? I mean, I work for the anti-Christ!"

"How did he trick you?" asked Reigns.

Seth added, "I thought he was gonna give you a promotion!"

"Yeah. No, he is. That's his way of being extra evil. He knows this is the last chance he has to make my fuckin' life miserable." Ambrose shrugged.

"Well, at least your boss isn't sexually harassing you!" Seth cried, downing another drink.

Roman chuckled and scoffed, sarcastically replying, "Oh, my God! I hear you on that one, man."

"Don't give me shit!"

Dean smirked along. "You'll never get any sympathy out of us for this, Rollins."

He continued, "She's going crazy! It's like a totally hostel working environment there, man. It's not funny!"

"Yeah?" he replied, skeptical.

"Alright, check it out. Today, she started spraying water at my crotch so she could see the outline of my dick."

Roman clapped. "That's great!"

"It's not great!" he argued.

"What are you talking about? Why don't you just, you know, just fuck her?" he replied.

"Because I'm engaged to be married and I love my fiancee, okay?" Rollins replied back.

"Oh yeah. Congratulations, by the way." Reigns sent him a nod.

"Thank you!"

"Dude, look. There's gotta be other dental hygienist jobs out there, right?" asked Dean.

"I can't apply for another job, remember?"

Roman and Dean exchanged confused looks.

Rollins sighed heavily, hating to explain it once again. "I'm on the registered sex offenders list, yes! Remember?" he cried out.

Reigns laughed. "Oh yeah, what do they call that? A Deviant-"

"Deviant sexual offender?" Dean laughed along. "Rollins, you can't get that expunged? All you did was point your dick out in a playground."

"I was taking a piss at night. There were no kids...alright. You know what? You don't put a playground right next to a bar. That's entrapment!" he argued.

While he was talking, Roman's attention went towards a girl who walked past their table. He smirked. "Mmhmm. Speaking of entrapment, I'm gonna see that girl about her vagina. Excuse me."


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: Just wanted to give a shoutout to the awesome Zombie450AirBournePrincess! Thanks for the feedback on the last chappie! ^_^**_

* * *

Chapter 2

The next day at Dean's job, it was the day he'd been waiting practically forever for. The day that he'd finally get that huge promotion that he oh, so desperately deserved...

He sat alongside five other co-workers at a conference table, while Laurinaitis's chair at the head was empty. In the meantime, Dean poured himself some water from a glass pitcher on the table. "He did say ten o'clock, right?" Dean asked one of his coworkers.

He nodded. "Yeah. Do you know what this is about?"

"It just said `staff meeting' on the memo." he whispered. "Funny how he gets all over my ass if I'm a minute late, but he makes us wait fucking fifteen."

"You were two minutes late, Dean." Laurinaitis's voice startled him from behind.

He whipped around to face him.

"And I didn't know I had to punch a clock with you." he continued.

"You don't. Of course you don't. I'm sorry -"

"I'm going to attribute this to your drinking problem."

Now, Ambrose was getting just plain annoyed. "I don't HAVE a -"

Smiling towards the others, Laurinaitis cut him off and replied, "Let's get started. Shall we? So, I have finally decided who I want to be our new senior vice president of sales. He's right here in this room."

Dean grinned and bit his lower lip in anticipation as he waited for his name to be called out. He just couldn't take the suspense!

Laurinaitis grinned and announced, "...It's me."

His expression fell to disbelief. "What did he say?"

"I've decided to absorb the responsibilities of the senior V.P. position into my own. I've realized that if you wanna get something done right, you've gotta do it yourself. So, I'm gonna be breaking through the wall of the office that would have been the senior V.P.'s and make one huge enormous office. However, I will only be taking eighty five percent of the additional salary I'm entitled to. And THAT...is self sacrifice, people."

Slowly shaking his head, Dean decided that he wasn't going to sit there and listen to this bullshit. So then and only then, he decided to do the noble thing. "NO!" he roared, suddenly springing out of his chair and attacking Laurinaitis.

"YEAH!-WOOHOO!" his coworkers cheered him on, as he continued throwing punch after punch towards the boss man.

"Fucker! Fuckin' son of a bitch! Fuckin...LIAR!" he snapped, dragging Laurinaitis by his tie across the office and then throwing him out the window. Everyone continued cheering along.

"Ambrose! Ambrose! Ambrose!"

...

Dean stirred back to reality, realizing that he'd just imagined killing Laurinaitis and that he was still sitting in the staff meeting.

"...So, meeting adjourned." the boss finished.

While everyone headed out to continue their work, Dean followed Laurinaitis out of the meeting room. "Uh, Mr. Laurinaitis, can I speak to you?"

"Yeah. Sure. What is it?"

"Y'know, for months you've been hinting that I was in line for that promotion! Right?"

He nodded. "And look how hard you've been working!"

"What, were you just lying to me?" he demanded.

"Lying? No! Dean, motivating. I mean, look we're all part of the same team here. Plus, you know, I'm the one who's gonna be doing all the extra work."

Ambrose continued following him. "Well...well, you know that last month, you made me work so late I missed saying goodbye to my Gam-Gam."

"I'm sorry, what?" he paused, confused.

"My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her cause she was very very sick. You said if I left early I would get fired. And she died before I made it into the hospital." he said solumnly.

Laurinaitis nodded. "...I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

It didn't last long though, as Laurinaitis suddenly bursted into laughter, to Dean's anger and shock. "I had no idea that you called your grandmother, Gam-Gam!" he erupted into giggles, and tried to stop himself from laughing so hard. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't get to say bye-bye to Gam-Gam..."

Ambrose glared at him.

"Really. I really am sorry! But I needed you to stay here and work late, because you're an invaluable member of this operation. And I need you in the position that you're currently in."

Dean snarled and finally decided to fight back. "Well, tough shit! Okay. I've been in that position for eight fuckin' years now. Why would I stay here after being treated like this?"

Laurinaitis scoffed back and replied, "Well, because I'd make sure that nobody in the industry would ever hire you again."

"Bullshit!"

"No. Because they're gonna want my letter of recommendation, right? So, I'm perfectly willing to write that you are an insubordinate, dishonest, drunk."

"You can't do that! That ain't true!" he snapped back.

Laurinaitis stepped closer to Dean and whispered in his most threatening tone, "Let me tell you something. You stupid little runt. I own you. You're my bitch. So don't walk around here thinking you have free will, because you don't. I could crush you anytime I want. So settle in, cause you are here for the long haul." And with that, he slapped him hard on the back and continued on his merry way, leaving a stunned Dean in his wake. But now, after this, this was the last fucking straw. Ambrose surely wasn't going to take this sitting down.

* * *

At the Bischoff Chemical Corporation, Roman somberly headed towards his desk, wearing a dark suit. He had no reason to be his usual happy, laid back self anyway, since he just came back from his boss's memorial service. Plus it wasn't a joy to walk in the same place where Eric's cokehead son practically ran rampant in, either.

Garrett caught him first. "Yo! Dick-wall! What the fuck?"

"What?" he muttered, turning to him.

He held out his arm and pointed towards his wrist, which, unsurprisingly, had no watch actually on it. "Three hours late. What's the deal?"

Roman was shocked at just how ignorant this guy really was! "I was at your father's funeral!" he cried.

"Uhuh. Uhumm. Well, maybe that excuse would have fallen when my dad was here. But, I'm in charge now."

"That excuse wouldn't make any sense if your dad _was_ still here."

Garrett scoffed. "Whoa! In my office, now."

Roman entered, noticing that the "Eric Bischoff" nameplate had been partially taped over with the name "Garrett" scribbled in magic marker.

"Sit."

He did what he was told, while Garrett quickly slipped a small mirror and a rolled up dollar bill into a drawer. Roman noticed that Garrett had tossed most of Eric's mementos, achievement awards and photos with luminaries in the trash.

"So, I've been looking over the books. You're the accountant. Tell me why this company is in the crapper."

"It's not in the crapper. It's a recession. But we're still profitable." he replied.

"Look, I know you and my dad were uh...were pals, okay? And frankly, I always thought it was a little bit weird and gay and I have no idea why he thought you were so fucking special. But that doesn't matter now, because he's in the ground, and guess what? I'm your boss. And there's gonna be some changes around here!"

Reigns crossed his arms and flatly replied, "Can't wait to hear 'em."

"Okay, first things first. Envirotech Waste Management, what the fuck is this about? It's costing us a lot of money."

"Your dad made the choice to dispose of our chemical waste responsibly. In order to do that you gotta spend a little more money."

"No, no, fuck that. Bolivian said they'd do it for a third price. I'm gonna hire them."

"No. No! You can't go to them!" he cried in protest.

"Why?"

"You shouldn't do it because you're gonna endanger thousands of local residents!"

Garrett scoffed again and slipped out another joint of marijuana. "Oh, I give a fuck some local tribesman gets radioactive poisoning and dies! Cry me a fucking river!"

"They're not tribesmen! It's a modern society!"

"Do I look like I fucking care?"

Sighing heavily, Roman tried to compose himself before replying, "Look, Garrett, your dad told me very clearly he'd die before he'd save money by hurting people."

"Well then, we're right on schedule, aren't we?"

Reigns, well...didn't even want to dignify that with any kind of response.

Garrett continued, "Oh, yeah! We gotta trim some of the fat around here."

"Trim the...what do you mean by 'trim the fat'?"

"I want you to fire the fat people." he said coolly.

"What?" he cried in disbelief.

"They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sick to look at. You can start with Thicky Nikki." he said before turning to his intercom. "Nikki, can you come in here please?"

Roman waved his arms in defense. "No! Nikki's not fat, she's pregnant! I'm not gonna fire her."

He shrugged. "Okay. Fine." he turned to the intercom again. "Uh...stay where you are, Nikki. Congratulations." Then, he turned back to Roman. "You can fire Professor Xavier."

"Who are you talking about?"

He looked over and saw that he referred to a co-worker in a wheelchair.

"You mean Hank?"

"Yeah. Fucking creeps me out. Roaming around all day in his special little secret chair. I know he's up to something."

"I'm not gonna fire any one, Garrett. You know, it's like you don't care about this company at all." he cried.

"No fucking shit! I don't care about this company! What? You...you...this is just an ATM to me! You think when I was a kid I dreamed of running a fucking chemical company? No! I dreamed of being on a beach with a model serving me tropical drinks. That's what I dreamed of. And it's exactly what's gonna happen as soon I squeeze out every bit of profit out of this fucking company. But first things first. Go out and fire the fatty, or you fire the cripple, or I fire all three of ya. Do the math. One loses the job, or three loses it. And tell him to leave his handicap parking pass here as well." he demanded.

Still glaring at him, Roman slowly got up and headed out to face the two...victims, he should say. Sighing, he looked from Nikki to Hank and back. At last, he gathered his resolve and crossed to Hank's desk. From a respectful distance, Garrett watched as Roman broke the news to Hank who reacted with sad resignation. Moments later, he turned to see Bischoff standing directly beside him.

"Everyone, can I have your attention please?" he exclaimed, rather loudly. "I've just learned that Roman has fired our dear friend Hank here. I want you to know that I am as shocked, appalled, and angry about this as you are."

Roman was shocked, appalled, and angry that he was throwing him under the bus like this. "What are you - ?!"

"This is entirely an accounting department decision. My hands are tied." he turned to Roman. "You are one heartless bastard, Reigns."

While he still stood there in disbelief, Bischoff headed off. Meanwhile, Hank glared at Roman.

"Look, Hank, this was not my -"

"Fuck...you...Roman." he seethed slowly, and wheeled away, leaving Roman to face the angry looks of his coworkers. Oh ho, that little cokehead fuck wasn't going to just let Reigns take the fall for it and not get anything in return. Something was definitely going to be done about this, and it was going to be done...as soon as he downed a few drinks at the bar first.

* * *

Back at the dental office, Seth was sick and tired of Kelly's sexual advances and decided to set a few ground rules with her. But before he could do that, he learned that she'd wanted a word with HIM first. Approaching her office, he knocked on the door.

_"Come in." _she called.

Entering the room, he began, "You wanted to see - Oh, SHIT!" He was sharply cut off, looking up to find Kelly sitting at her desk in nothing but white lace panties and an unbuttoned white lab coat. No bra included. He quickly averted his eyes.

Meanwhile, the blonde paid no mind to this and smiled. "Have a seat, Seth."

He continued looking away. "Do I have to?"

"Please."

He sat down, then immediately stood back up again. "Look, Kelly, this is ridiculous -"

She held up a hand to stop him. "Look, Seth, I know that I like to fool around at work, right? And...and I might even, you know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing that I wanna do is...is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just...it's just not professional. You know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on, what I would like you to do, is just...is just tell me. You know? When and if uh...I cross the line. Okay?"

He nodded. "Okay. Now!"

"What?"

"Well, now you're kinda crossing the line. Cause you're naked." Rollins pointed out the obvious.

Kelly also pointed out the obvious. "Uhh...not naked, Seth. Can you see my pussy?"

He nodded. "Mmm! True! Um...but I think uh...even really saying the word 'pussy', that's what..."

"THAT'S crossing the line?"

"A little bit."

"Starting to sound like a little wuss there, Seth."

"There we go! That one's a...another one. Probably an illegal thing to say too."

The blonde chuckled. "Let's not talk about illegal, Mister 'I like to pee on little boys.'"

"No! It was an empty playground in the middle of the night!" he cried, tossing his arms in the air.

"Well, that's even weirder. That poor child must have been terrified."

"There were no children! No kids in the park! It was..." he trailed off, too frustrated to even keep up the argument.

"No all right, let's just cut to the chase, mister. You're engaged now."

"Yeah."

"And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. So that's why you're gonna have to fuck me well before the wedding. Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I'm gonna feel about it." she demanded.

Seth quickly shook his head in disbelief. "Kelly, I'm...I'm not gonna sleep with you."

Not taking 'no' for an answer, she swiped the back of her fingers down the side of his face and then swiftly grabbed his crotch, eliciting a yelp from him in reply. He'd just been violated! "We'll see about that. Get out." she finished, unlocking the door while a startled Seth hurried out of the office.

* * *

Later that same night, the three friends landed back at Bradford's Bar, drinking away their sorrows...

After downing a few drinks, Dean began, "I'm such an idiot! Fucking Laurinaitis was never gonna promote me."

Roman scoffed and added, "That coked up prick is gonna ruin Bischoff Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody."

Seth chimed in, "She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!"

Reigns stopped and turned to him. "Yeah. You know, yours doesn't sound that bad, man."

"You know, why don't you guys quit? It's not like you're sex offenders." he pouted.

"It's true, though. I mean, I'm young. I could go back to school, change fields." Dean shrugged.

Meanwhile in the background, a guy had noticed them. He decided to head over.

Roman continued, "Yeah. Why the fuck should I care about protecting Bischoff's name when his own son doesn't? There's a million jobs out there."

"Damn right!" Rollins exclaimed.

Moments later, the guy finally approached them. "Is this really happening? What is this? Well, well, if it isn't the Three Musketeers, Dean, Roman and Seth! Still hanging out like high school, huh?"

"Oh shit, I don't believe it! Brad? Brad Maddox!" Dean exclaimed.

"Hey dude, how's it been? I heard you moved to New York to work at Lehman Brothers or something." Rollins smiled.

"I did. Hired me right out of Yale." he nodded, smiling.

"Nice, nice! So what are you doing back here?" asked Roman.

"Don't you read the papers? They shut us down. I've been looking for work for the last two years. It's crazy out here. I can't even get a job waiting tables." Brad shrugged, chuckling a bit.

"You? Waiting tables? You were voted Most Likely to Succeed. Everyone thought you were set." replied Ambrose.

"Everyone including me." he replied, before growing a bit red in the face and staring into space. "I'd murder those Lehman Brothers if I could. Line them up, put one bullet through their three heads."

"Whoa. Easy, Brad." Seth coaxed him.

"It's just not fair. I was making high six-figures. Now I can't even afford this drink." he continued, holding up his glass.

Dean looked around towards his friends and replied, "Well, we'll...we'll cover it, right?"

"Yeah, sure-Why not." they agreed, about to grab their wallets.

It wasn't enough for Brad though. "Wait. Seriously, uh...you guys think you can HELP me out here a little bit?"

"Beyond the drink?" asked Ambrose.

He nodded. "Maybe some extra scratch, if you got it?"

"Sure. Yeah. I had no idea it was that bad, buddy."

The three reached inside of their wallets and slipped out a few bucks.

"That's fifteen. You have change for a ten?" asked Roman.

"No, I don't." Brad shook his head.

"Rome!" Dean rolled his eyes.

"Ok, ok. Here's a few bucks, Brad." Seth announced.

He looked everything over and pondered for a moment. "Um...you know what, that's probably not gonna cut it. So, I'll tell you what. How about I give you guys some hand jobs?"

Silence.

"...What?" the three asked, not hearing him right.

"I'm serious. Forty bucks a piece, we could do it right here in the bathroom. I'll do the three of you for a hundred." he smiled at something that he really shouldn't have been smiling about in the first place.

"You're gay now?" Roman asked in disbelief.

"No, I'm not gay." he replied.

They exchanged skeptical looks.

"Oh, but you do gay stuff!" Seth implied.

"I'm the opposite of gay."

The guys looked at each other with eyebrows raised. Dean mouthed the word, 'Opposite.' Finally, he announced, "No, thanks, man."

Seth added, "That's a joke, right? You're joking?"

He most certainly WASN'T joking. "Come on. Handjobs for the Three Musketeers. Let's do this!"

Silence.

"Ok, you know what? I have the three of you at the same time. Seth, I'm gonna deal with you right here behind my knee, nobody's doin' that right now, you're gonna love it. And you two cats, I'm gonna rock ya! You know what they're sayin' right now? They're sayin' that my hands are rated...4 stars. 4 stars, wrapped around your stick, pop the thumb, nip the top, nip the top, nip the top, peck or speck." Brad continued, to shocked looks from the others.

"You been drinking all day, huh?" Reigns asked, amused.

"Look at me, I know what I'm doing now." he whispered, "No one will ever know."

_"Hey!" _the bartender cried from across the room.

Brad quickly looked back and tried to hide. "Shit!"

_"I thought I told you to stay out of here!"_

"Oops, gotta go. If you guys change your mind, I'm staying at my mom's house. And for an extra hundred, I'll let you guys pool your mayonnaise, right here over my bellybutton. You'll love it. Think about it! YEAHH, YES!...I'll be at my mom's." Brad finished, snatching the cash from the table and quickly leaving the place.

Meanwhile, the three guys sat there, confused and feeling quite uncomfortable as they processed what they'd just witnessed.

"Okay." Dean finished, awkwardly looking around. "O...kay."

Seth looked back towards him. "That dude banged all three of my sisters."

"Guess he'll be looking for your brother now." Roman snickered.

"Huh. Maybe DON'T quit your job." he replied.

Roman sipped his drink and continued, "So I guess we're just gonna be miserable for the rest of our lives, huh? That's the deal?"

Dean nodded. "Fuck yeah. That's where it's lookin'."

"Well, why is that? Why are you saying that?" Seth questioned.

"Well, what do you mean? We don't have many options, do we? Think about it, we can quit our jobs and turn into Brad. Or uh...keep our jobs and just become spineless losers that end up spending their entire day dreaming of ways to kill their bosses." Reigns replied.

Ambrose glanced up at him. "You do that too?"

"Of course!"

"Sounds a little sick." Rollins replied.

"It's not sick. It's just a little way to blow off steam."

"Yeah, it's not like we're gonna actually kill our bosses." Dean agreed.

"Well, you have to admit. Our lives would be a HELL of a lot easier if our bosses were dead." Roman announced.

"Hm, true." they nodded.

"Hypothetically, if we could do it and none of us get caught, would you guys do it?"

"No!" Seth cried.

He shrugged coolly. "I would."

"No, you wouldn't." Dean scoffed.

"Yeah, I would."

"You would?" Rollins questioned.

"Yeah! It's not murder if it's justified. Justifiable homicide, that's the thing, right?"

"Oh, I can't wait to hear this." Dean said flatly, gulping down another beer.

Roman continued, "If one evil person has to die for the greater good, so be it. You know, Garrett Bischoff is an absolute monster! He's a fucking jerk! You know if he has his way, he's gonna end up killing thousands of innocent Bolivians."

"What?" Seth cried, confused.

"Technically, I think it's immoral for me NOT to kill him."

"So I should kill Laurinaitis for not letting me say goodbye to Gam Gam?" asked Dean.

"Yes. Yes, you should."

"Hey, I don't care how bad our bosses are, I mean, we're not murderers." Rollins replied.

"Seth, Kelly is ruining your life. You know? That's wrong."

"That is wrong." Dean agreed.

"You know, it's affecting your...your possible marriage."

"Come on! She's not ruining it."

Roman raised an eyebrow in question. "Would your life be easier without Kelly in it?"

"Okay, you're right! Uh...you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go to Kelly's house, maybe I'll slash her up and I'll put her in a box and I'll mail it to you two uh...tough mafioso's! I'm done with this conversation." Rollins frowned, before pointing to Roman. "And YOU'RE paying for dinner, cause you've upset me. You're paying and I'm finding a cab, somehow."

After he got up and left, Roman meekly looked around before turning to Dean. "I was just speaking hypothetically, you know."

He nodded quickly and downed another beer. "Me too."

* * *

The next day at the dental office, Seth was minding his own business and was busy organizing some equipment when a pair of woman's hands suddenly covered his eyes.

"Guess who?" the voice asked suggestively.

Seth sighed heavily, knowing exactly who was trying to rile him up. "I'm really kinda...not in the mood for this now -" he froze once he turned around and saw that the woman behind him wasn't Kelly, but his fiancee, Kaitlyn. "Kaitie! Hi!"

"Hi! Not in the mood for what?" she asked, curious.

He chuckled lightly and smiled. "For... nothing!" he kissed her. "What are you doing here, babe?"

Kelly appeared in her office doorway, smiling. "I invited her."

"Yeah, she called and said now that we're engaged, she wanted to offer me free dental work. And you know I've had that loose filling for a while. It's so sweet of you, Kelly." the blonde and raven haired woman smiled.

She smiled back. "It's my pleasure, Kaitlyn. You're part of the family now."

Meanwhile, Rollins was visibly uptight. "Uhhhh... I don't know if this is a good idea, babe."

"Why not?" asked Kaitlyn.

"Well, uh, we're mixing business with pleasure, pleasure with business! We don't want to take advantage of Kelly."

"Seth, there's nothing you could do EVER, that would be taking advantage of me. Nothing." then, she turned to his fiancee. "Now what do you say we pump you full of nitrous, huh?"

Kelly led Kaitlyn into the exam room, when Seth quickly cut them off. "Wait - no nitrous. She doesn't need to be out!"

"What are you talking about, Seth? You know I'm not good with drills." Kaitlyn replied, puzzled.

"You don't want your fiancée to suffer, do you?" Kelly accused, inwardly smiling at Seth's defeated look.

"Fuck me..." he sighed in a whisper.

"Hee hee." Kelly whispered back.

Moments later...

Kaitlyn lied on the chair with the nitrous mask over her nose. Kelly and Seth stood beside her.

The blonde and raven haired woman was slowly losing consiousness and slurred, "Ten, nine..." While she gradually became more and more delusional, she giggled and waved her hand across Seth's chin. "Beard...hee hee..."

He chuckled and kissed her hand before replying in her tone, "Okay. Put your hand in a safe place, cause there's sharp tools there."

"...Eight... seh-" And she was out.

With this opening, Kelly smiled and immediately pounced onto Seth, feverishly trying to unbuckle his belt.

"Hey! Stop it, what are you - ?" he cried, backing away.

"You're gonna give me that schlong, Seth!" she demanded.

"NO! Wait...schlong?"

Kaitlyn groaned softly, while Seth pushed Kelly away.

"You're gonna fuck my slutty little mouth." the blonde continued.

"You hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that?" Rollins cried.

"Let's have sex on top of her. Let's use her like a bed!" she exclaimed, more than excited while she began to climb over Kaitlyn's unconsious body.

Kaitlyn nearly stirred awake again, where Seth shoved Kelly away once again. "Hey, HEY! Get off of her!"

"What?!"

"Damn you! That's it! Okay! You know what? That's crossing the line!" Seth finally snapped. "So, I'm done, Kelly! Fuck this, dude! I'm out! I don't need this job. So, goodbye. I'm quitting. I'm done."

Kelly smirked and glanced towards Kaitlyn. "I'm gonna tell her you fucked me."

"...What?"

"If you don't fuck me, I'm gonna tell her that you fucked me."

He shrugged. "Okay. Tell her whatever the hell you want. She's not gonna believe you."

"She already knows that you're a sex offender. And I think once she gets a look at these, she's gonna believe me." she continued, taking out her ipad.

"What's that?"

"Do you remember your first week here, Seth?" she asked. "When I changed the crown on your second bicuspid?"

"Y-Yeah." he raised an eyebrow.

"I just uh, took a few pictures..." she began, flipping through the files. The first picture showed Seth lying on the dentist chair, his eyes open and his hands behind his head with Kelly at his crotch, apparently giving him a blowjob.

"Oh!" he gasped, appalled.

The second showed Kelly straddling over Seth, who was naked from the waist down on the chair. She held one arm in the air like a rodeo cowgirl.

"Ah!" he cried, covering his mouth.

The third picture showed Kelly on the floor, her legs spread while Seth lied limply on top of her.

"Mmm!" he seethed in anger while Kelly giggled. "You did all this while I was unconscious?!" Rollins cried.

"Oooh. Mmhmm. Yep."

The last picture showed Kelly on all fours. Seth was limply draped over her back, apparently doing her doggy-style.

"Haaa! Ah, that's my favorite!"

"Rape." Seth announced.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Rape. Rape. That's a rape! This is what raping is!" he cried, his voice getting higher and higher. "You...you're a raper! You raped me! That's a rape! _RAPE!"_

"Just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard."

"That doesn't give me any relief!" he cried.

"But it will be next time. And if it's not?" she began, gesturing to Kaitlyn again. "This little sweetheart right here, is gonna get a peek of my little photo album."

He glared at her.

"So...please prep the patient for the X-Ray..." she sent him a wink, headed to the door. "I'll be back in a jiffy."

Meanwhile, Seth was left completely and utterly speechless. Worst of all, he'd felt more violated than he did before.

...

Later that same night, Roman and Dean were playing Wii in Roman's apartment, as an angry and pissed off Seth bursted through the front door.

"I'm in!" he cried.

The others turned to him.

"Let's kill that bitch!"


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN: Wow, thanks for all the love, you guys! ^_^ Sorry if this chappie's a little shorter than the others, but there's plenty more to come! :) Enjoy!_**

* * *

Chapter 3

"Huh?" asked Roman, in reply to Seth's outburst.

"What bitch?" added Dean.

"What bitch?" Rollins repeated, turning off the game. "Guys, my boss. Our bosses. They need to die."

"Wait, Seth-" began Roman.

"You were right, man, we need to do this thing!" he cut him off, more determined than ever.

Dean and Roman exchanged a look. "Hey, we were drunk off our asses last night, man. And didn't you say killing was wrong?" Ambrose asked.

"I know, I know, but that was before Kelly tried to fuck me on top of my fiancée's unconscious body!"

"Whoa, really?" Reigns asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, really! She's gone fuckin' batshit crazy. She took a bunch of pictures of me..."

"Where are they?"

"I can't show you! Don't be so excited about this, look are you guys in or out?"

"I was in last night." the Samoan grinned.

"Yes! Dean?" Seth exclaimed. They both turned to Dean, who looked uncertain. Roman grabbed Dean's phone and on it, spotted a photo of him with his grandmother.

"Ambrose, come on! Seriously. I mean uh...what about your grandma? You know, Boobie?"

"Gam-Gam." he muttered quietly.

"Whatever it is. She didn't get to say goodbye to her favorite grandson. Why? Because his dickbag of a boss wouldn't let him leave. Right? What would Gam-Gam want you to do?" Roman continued.

"She wouldn't want me to kill him."

"Okay, forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. You gotta accept that." he said quickly, to Dean's dismay. "This isn't about Gam Gam. This is about you. What do YOU want, Dean?"

"Obviously, I want him fuckin' gone." he replied, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Exactly!-Yes!" Roman and Seth exclaimed.

"So let's do this!" he cried.

"How do we do this, then?" Ambrose demanded.

"Hey, I thought about this. You know how Kaitie and I watch a ton of Law and Order?" asked Seth. "We're huge Law and Order buffs."

"Yeah."

"Anyways, there's a ton of ways criminals mess up. Things we'd never think of. They leave behind clothing fibers, bullet casings, hair, skin cells -"

"Sperm." Dean chimed in.

"Most of the time it's sperm, but anyway, that's not the point. The point is, we're not qualified." he continued.

"Right." Roman nodded.

"And that's why we need a professional."

"What are you talking about, a hitman?" Dean asked, slightly tilting his head.

Seth nodded. "Yep."

Roman slowly nodded and paced the room. "Yeah. That's a really good idea. Yeah! I mean, we don't clean up our apartments or cut our own hair. No, we pay someone to do that."

"Well uh, I don't actually. Kaitlyn does my hair." he smiled and chuckled.

"She does?"

"Yeah."

"She...trained for that?" Roman asked curiously.

"Doesn't need it." he shrugged.

Dean eyed him down. "...She might."

He shot him a look.

"Okay, well, uh...where are you two gonna find a hitman?" he continued.

"Why don't you guys leave that up to me." Seth replied. "Okay? I got this whole thing figured out. I'll give you a call tomorrow and tell you where to meet me."

"Why don't you just tell us now?" asked Roman.

He looked down and twirled a strand of his hair. "...Cause I don't have it ALL figured out, I got some of it figured out..."

"Ok, well you...go home and start." Roman waved him off.

"I will." he nodded, heading out.

"Y'know, I'm gonna head home, too." Reigns agreed.

"Rome. You're here. This is your house." Dean replied.

"Oh. Oh, I-I couldn't tell by the way you were going in and out of my fridge, drinking all my fucking beer." he said sarcastically, glancing at Ambrose, who froze in mid-sip. He was about to place down the bottle and put it away when Roman stopped him. "No, no. Enjoy."

* * *

So, the next evening, the boys had gone through with their plans and Seth had told both Dean and Roman to meet him in a motel room at a deserted part of town. Dean reached the assigned room and knocked on the door. Moments later, Seth opened the door halfway, due to it being chained shut.  
He cautiously looked around. "...Were you followed?" he asked quietly.

He looked back at him in confusion. "What? Why would I be followed?"

"People follow people in these types of situations, man. Sure you weren't followed?" Rollins continued.

"Dude, there isn't-"

"Just take one quick look and make sure that no one followed you."

Dean tapped the chain on the door. "Put this down."

"But I want you to make sure-"

"PUT the fucking thing down!" he snapped, reaching in to grab his neck.

"HEY!"

"That's what you fuckin' get. Now put the chain down, close the door, and let me in!"

Seth turned back to Roman. "I pissed him off already."

"Already?" he cried.

"What the fuck's goin' on here, what's the matter with you?" Ambrose glared at him as he was let in. "What are we doing here?"

"Well, I don't want an assassin in my apartment." Reigns replied.

"We don't want this guy knowing where we live, right? Use your head." Rollins agreed.

Dean exclaimed, "Hang on a second, you guys already went ahead and found someone?"

"Oh!" Seth chuckled.

"And he's coming here?"

"Big time!"

"Not we! Seth." Roman chimed in.

"I found a guy! Yeah, it was pretty easy as buying a used futon." Seth smiled.

Dean still couldn't believe it. "You found a hitman online?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed, opening his laptop. "I mean they don't write 'hitman', right? Cause that's dumb. So, they use little code words, like 'wet work', right? 'Liquidation'. Check him out."

He eyed down the ad and read, "'Skilled professional with years of experience in domestic and international wet work. Fast and discreet. No children or political figures.'"

"That last part was important to me. When I saw that I thought, okay, this is a good idea." Roman nodded.

"I still feel like we should have got a cheese plate or something for this guy. Just to make him feel..." Seth trailed off.

Outside, a car pulled up and its alarm went off while the guys stood up.

"Oh shit, is that him?" asked Dean.

"That was definitely a car."

They rushed to the window, where a man in a black suit stepped out of a black Ferrari.

"Oh! He looks like James Bond." Roman cried in awe.

"He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns you screw together." Seth agreed.

"Yes!"

"Those are the coolest guns they make, man-"

Ambrose cut them off and cried, "This is so dangerous! What if...what if that is an undercover cop?"

Roman scoffed. "Oh, come on!"

"Or better than that. What if he's the real thing and charges so much money we can't afford it, he gets pissed off, kills us?"

"He's not gonna kill us!" Seth assured him.

"Wait. What?" Roman chimed in again.

Seth exclaimed, pausing in realization. "Hold on!"

"That's a thing?" he asked back.

"Could that happen?" he agreed.

Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door, shutting them up.

"Better let him in now." Dean smirked.

"Okay. How's my hair?" Reigns asked.

He shot him a look. "What do you fuckin' mean, how's your hair?"

He quickly shook it off. "Doesn't matter. Okay. Let's do this." they approached the door, where he turned back to Seth. "Ready?"

The two shared excited grins and silently jumped up and down in excitement while Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. After they composed themselves, Roman opened the door on the man who looked even smoother up close. "...Yeah?" he asked in his deep voice.

In a British accent, he asked, "Is one of you Seth?"

He said nothing and pointed towards Rollins, who slowly poked his head into view. "I am the one they call Seth." he said slowly.

"Mmhmm." the man replied.

"Please come in."

"Thank you." he said, inspecting the small room and eyed them all down. "Are all three of you participating in this?

Roman nodded. "Mmhmm."

"Yes." Seth agreed.

"Well, uh..." Dean trailed off.

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yep! Yep!-Yes." his friends vouched for him.

"Very well. Now, before we go any further, I need to know if there are any hidden recording devices in the room. I will find out if there are."

"You know, we..." Roman scoffed.

Seth chuckled. "I'm sure you would, but there's none."

"Yeah, we would never..."

"Because that would be stupid of us. And we're not stupid." he nodded along. Dean just blinked.

"Silly move." Reigns chuckled.

"...That's a no." Dean concluded.

"Then let's get started." the man continued, turning to his suitcase.

"I feel good about this guy." Roman muttered, turning to his friends.

"That's the real deal." Rollins nodded. "Totally legit. And hey, you know, we just want to-"

The man slipped out a large tarp from his suitcase instead of a gun, taking them all by surprise.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What's this for?" Roman asked.

"For the mess." he replied.

"What?"

"Wouldn't want to leave a stain now, would we?"

"Oh, my God! I fuckin' knew it!" Dean cried, turning the other way.

"Who's first?"

Stunned, Roman quickly waved his hands in protest. "No! No! No!"

Seth's eyes widened. "Who's first? No! We don't-"

"We don't want you to kill US!" Roman finished.

"We want you to kill another person!" Rollins cried.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen. What are you talking about?"

"Your...your ad said you do wet work." he explained.

"That's correct. I urinate on other men for money."

Silence.

"...What was that?" Roman asked, confused.

"What did he say?" Dean muttered.

"I think he said he pisses on dudes!" Seth cried, shocked.

"Why else do you think my ad was in the 'Men seeking Men' section?" the man asked.

"WHERE was that?" Dean cried, before he and Roman slowly turned to Seth.

"You fucking idiot!" Roman cried, lightly shoving the younger man back.

"Could you be fuckin' dumber?" Dean added.

"Why were you looking in the men seeking men...?" Roman trailed off.

Trying to justify himself, Seth cried, "We...are..._men_...looking... for...a..._man! _Duh!"

"...How the fuck do people let you work on their teeth?" Ambrose demanded.

"They don't actually. I just hand the tools to Kelly." he shrugged.

"I'm so mad at you right now..." Roman sighed.

The man sighed and replied, "So, I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on."

"Uh-uh. Well, it's not our thing." Seth shook his head.

"Sorry about that." Roman flashed him a weak smile.

After a pause, the man asked, "...Can I use your toilet? I stored up a rather large amount of pee for this."

They uncomfortably looked towards one another.

"Sure. Yeah. It's right through there." he nodded. "Knock yourself out."

He turned back. "Oh, and by the way, I still want my $200."

"Understandable." Dean nodded.

"$200, huh?" Roman muttered. "For three people?"

"Hey, I thought it was a pretty good deal!" Seth exclaimed.

"You dipshit." he spat back.

"Unbe-fucking-lievable." Dean agreed, glaring at his friend. "Well, I'll be in the car."

While he crossed his arms and headed out, Roman followed him and Seth cried, "Okay well, you guys are gonna chip in for the...am I gonna have to give him all of my mon...money?"

He paused and heard the man urinating in the back, and was hoping that he wouldn't hear him. "Ok, well I'm gonna leave your money on the bed!" he dropped the cash onto the mattress and kept hearing the guy peeing away. "...God, he would've drenched us." he finished, before heading out.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Enjoy! ^_^**_

* * *

Chapter 4

"Ok, I'll take the blame on that one." Seth announced, sitting in the backseat of the gang's car as Roman drove them away from the motel.

"Yeah you bet your ass you will." Dean agreed, nodding.

"You take the blame, and you're buying dinner." Roman added.

"It was an honest mistake!" Rollins cried.

"It's not how you find a killer." Reigns said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you know how to find a killer?"

"Yeah! I bet I do. Yeah, you know what? I got an idea." the Samoan announced, touching a button to contact on his navigation system.

"What are you doing?" Seth and Dean asked at once.

Then, a voice with an Indian accent came through the navigation system: _"Good evening, Mr. Reigns. Thank you for contacting Nav Guide. My name is Gregory. How may I be of service this evening?"_

"Yeah, Gregory, me and my buddies are looking for the most dangerous bar in this city. Can you help us out please?" he asked.

"We're going to dinner." Dean reminded him.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Seth smiled at Roman's plan.

_"Sorry?"_

"Yeah, we're looking for a bar filled with you know, criminals, low-life thugs, hard-core shit heads. What have you got for us?" he continued.

"We're going to a fucking restaurant right now, come on!" Dean hissed.

_"I'm afraid our listings are not organized by danger, sir. I do see there's an Applebee's three blocks from your current location."_

"Perfect."

"No, not really helpful. They're not exactly the kind of shit heads we need. Anything else?" Roman asked.

_"Well, I could direct you to a neighborhood with a greatest number of carjackings."_

_"_Now we're thinking outside the box." he smiled.

"Yeah!" Seth exclaimed.

"I want to go to DINNER." Dean whined.

_"Very good, sir. You may wish to lock your doors."_

Moments later, Roman's car drove down and entered a depressed-looking block. Dean, most of all, wasn't amused one bit.

"This is worse than getting pissed on!" Ambrose exclaimed, crossing his arms.

"No. Shh-shh!" Roman shushed him.

"I'd rather be pissed on!"

"Jeez!" he muttered, looking around the area.

"You weren't kidding, Gregory, this is uh...this is a bad part of town." Seth agreed, looking out the window.

Dean called, "Gregory, can you stay on the line? You still there, right?"

_"I'm still here, sir."_

"Just keep uh...keep us on the line."

Seth leaned forward and chuckled. "I'm always curious about these things, but is your real name Gregory?"

_"Uh...no, sir. My real name is Atmanand."_

"How do you get Gregory from that?" asked Reigns.

_"Oh, Gregory was assigned to me by Nav Guide."_

"Why don't they let you use your real name?" asked Dean.

_"They say many Americans find our real names hard to pronounce."_

"Hey, you know what? I'm not gonna play by their rules anymore. From now on I'm gonna call you Amanand." Roman replied.

"At-manand." Dean corrected.

Seth raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

Roman pronounced incorrectly, "Emanand."

"Atmenand." Ambrose replied.

_"Atmanand."_

"Aminand." Seth chimed in.

"I'm gonna call you Gregory, cause that name's a fucking nightmare, buddy." Roman finished.

"You hurt his feelings." Seth replied as they pulled up into a grimy-looking South-Central street and stopped in front of a dingy bar.

"No, I did not." he replied.

_"You have arrived at your destination, sir."_

"All right, well thanks, Gregory."

_"You're welcome."_

The guys soon stepped out of the car and looked around warily while loud rap music blasted in the background.

"All right. All right, here we go!" Roman smiled, while Seth and Dean weren't smiling one bit.

"This is a really fucking bad idea." Ambrose announced.

"No, this is a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Oh what, you just gonna yell out 'Anybody here kill people for money?!'"

"No!"

"That's a terrible plan." Seth agreed.

"No, no. Follow me, I got this." Reigns announced, leading the way.

"What are you doing?"

Nevertheless, the two followed their friend in the bar, while everyone else gave them looks as they made their way through. Roman played it cool while a buff looking guy passed them by. "Bowflex?" he greeted. A hispanic guy passed them by next. "Hola." Finally, they reached the bar. "Hey. My man...hey, uh...does anyone here kill people for money?"

"Roman!" Dean hissed.

"What the fuck you just say?" the bartender demanded.

"Oh, no! It's not a race thing. Uh...I believe that society discriminates and disenfranchises you folks." Reigns tried to explain.

"'You folks?'" he repeated, offended.

"Fucking subtle!" Ambrose cried, glaring Reigns' way.

The man continued, "Man, I'm a small business owner. Won't have you call me disenfranchise..."

"Well, not you in particular. I guess that..." Roman trailed off, obviously too flustered at this point to stop the words coming out of his mouth.

"Oh, right! You mean all black people?"

"Yes. No! I-I mean-!"

"No!" Seth cried, terrified.

"I'm gonna be in the fuckin car." Dean muttered, turning around while Roman used a strong grip to keep him there.

Meanwhile, the bartender quickly picked up a baseball bat.

Seth's eyes widened. "Whoa! A baseball bat."

Roman nervously looked around. "Uh...I didn't mean to offend you. I'm...I'm sorry if that's what happened here, okay? If you knew me better, you'd know my heart was in the right place."

"In about five seconds your heart gonna be in the wrong place." the bartender huffed, while Seth hid behind his friends.

"4...3...2...let's roll." Rollins cried, dragging Roman and Dean away before the guy could attack them. As they rushed out though, one man in particular slightly turned around and glanced their way.

Meanwhile, the three rushed outside, where Dean reached the car first. "Don't even say it, Roman, don't even say it."

"I know, I know."

"Just hit the-hit the fucking button and let us in the fucking car."

"Guys, I dunno, should we just quit..." Seth began.

"Yo, yo." a voice said, startling the three. They turned to find a cool-dressed young man approaching them, the same one who eyed them down in the bar. "I think I can help you boys." He gestured for them to follow him into the alley beside the bar. Roman and Seth moved to follow him.

"Here we go..." Seth began.

"Not interested, thank you." Dean waved him off. Seeing as he was now left alone though, he rolled his eyes and decided to follow them, anyway.

"Okay, we're following a strange guy into a dark corner." Rollins announced.

Once they were alone, he asked, "I heard you're looking for someone to take care of some business?"

"Yep." Roman said in that deep voice of his, crossing his arms.

"Uh...are you a business man or somethin'?" asked Dean.

"Yeah. Motherfucker Jones."

He shook his hand. "What's that?"

"Motherfucker... Jones."

"Your first name is...Motherfucker?!" Seth cried, shocked.

"Not 'Motherfucker', MothafuckAH."

"Got it." he nodded quickly and meekly.

"You say 'E-R', I say 'A-H'."

"Cool name." he agreed. "Yeah. Is that like on your birth certificate?" he smiled nervously.

Roman elbowed Seth to shut him up.

"No, goofball. My real name is Dean."

Dean blinked while Seth and Roman glanced towards him, smirking. "Got my first name, huh? Hm. Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug."

"Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is." Roman announced.

"I know who he is, bitch!" MF snapped.

He quickly looked down. "Sorry."

"I can't walk around this fuckin' neighborhood with that Disney-assed name!"

Ambrose was about to say something, but decided to just shut up and pout.

"Right." Seth and Roman nodded along.

"Huh." Ambrose muttered. "So uh, how did you get the nickname Motherfucker?"

"When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom."

"Uh-oh!" Rollins exclaimed.

"She was laying there, naked."

"Dean." Roman began.

"Huh?" asked Ambrose.

"Not you, him."

"Ok."

MF continued, "She'd been drinking all night."

"We get it." Dean nodded, not wanting to hear the rest.

Seth already began to visualize it. "Yuck."

"And I snuck up behind her."

"Aah!" Dean winced.

"And I slipped my fingers...into her purse."

"Purse. He said purse." Roman said quickly.

"And I took her money. The whole week's pay. I really fucked her over and that's how I got the name, Motherfucker Jones." he finished.

Reigns eyed him down quizzlngly. "You know, they should call you Motherfucker Over-Jones, to avoid confusion. Right?

"What's the confusion?" he demanded, threateningly.

"There's no confusion." Seth smiled innocently and said quickly.

"We're gonna get back on track." Roman nodded.

"All right, so sir, we each have a boss...uh, that you know, there's three bosses that would be best if those bosses, maybe were no longer..." Dean began.

Roman finished for him. "...no longer around, anymore."

He nodded in agreement. "You know?"

"We...want...them...killed?" Seth slowly said over them both.

"Got the cheese?" asked MF.

Roman smirked along, not really knowing what the hell he was talking about. "We got the cheese. What kind of cheese are you thinkin'?"

"What, is it three hits?"

"Yeah."

He paused to calculate the cost in his head. "...Thirty large."

"Whoa!" Reigns cried.

"Hungry, are we?" Ambrose exclaimed. "That's a lot of cheese."

"We don't have that much cheese." he muttered along.

Seth spoke up next. "Here's an idea, if you killed two could we get the third one to hold the cheese?"

"It's no negotiations. Thirty large, or nothing."

"Well, it's...it's more cheese than we've fuckin' got." Ambrose replied.

"Okay, then. It's five large now!"

Sounding way more reasonable, the three exchanged looks and then nodded. Roman announced, "Then...we are in. We're in."

"I mean come on, it'd be awful if it was tracable back to us." Dean muttered.

"I don't even know your names!"

"That's true."

"This is true." Reigns agreed. "This is Seth. This is..."

"Don't say my name!" Seth cried.

"Shut up!" agreed Dean.

"Listen, bring the money here tomorrow, I'll take care of the rest."

"You want the cash in something specific? Like a shoe box, duffel bag, something like that?" Roman asked.

"Just be here with the fucking money."

He nodded. "Yeah."

"...Put it in a briefcase."

"All righty then. Thanks for your time. Here we go." Dean led his cohorts off as MF walked the other way.

"Hey, is the briefcase coming out of your end?" Seth called after him.

"Shut up, Seth." the boys replied.

* * *

So the next day, the plan was on to grab as much cash as they possibly could, while the boys continued to endure their nightmarish jobs. Dean was at his desk at work, looking over his cubicle wall and his eyes narrowed as he watched Laurinaitis directing a workman who stenciled the words "Senior Vice President of Sales" below where it already read "President." Another workman used a sledgehammer on the wall of the office. In the meantime, Dean grinned malevolently. His asshat of a boss was going through so much, practically for nothing since he was going to get whacked in the end. It felt great for him just to know that! Later that afternoon, he went to the bank and carefully withdrew as much cash as he could possibly could.

_Hey! Gotta gotta pay back! (The big payback)_

_Revenge! I'm mad (the big payback)_

_Got to get back! Need some get back! Pay Back! (the big payback)_

_That's it! Payback! Revenge!_

_I'm mad!_

_Get down with my girlfriend, That ain't right!_

_Hollarin' cussin', you wanna fight_

_Payback is a thing you gotta see_

_Brother do any damn thing to me _

Meanwhile at Bischoff Chemicals, Garrett was locked inside of his office with tons of drugs and attractive women with the lights flashing many colors, as they did naughty and dirty things. Roman had seen this from his desk and moments later, looked up to see Garrett open his office door and lead out two obvious hookers. With white powder around his nostrils, he spotted Roman watching him and he sneered back in reply, smiling devilishly. That cokehead boss of his wouldn't spend too much more time partying it up. At least, not if Roman could help it. At the end of the day, he'd headed to the outside ATM, where like Dean, withdrew as much cash as possible.

_Sold me out, for chump change (yes you did!)_

_Told me that they, they had it all arranged_

_You handed me down, and thats a fact_

_Now you're pumped, You gotta get ready For the big payback! (the big payback!)_

_That's where I am, the big payback (the big payback!)_

_I can do wheelin', I can do dealin' (yes you can!) But I don't do no damn_

_squealin'_

_I can dig rappin', I'm ready! I can dig scrappin'_

_But I can't dig that backstabbin' (Oh No!) _

At the dental office, Seth was placing tooth X-rays into plastic contact sheets...all while Kelly was busy licking his neck and tweaking his nipples through his scrubs. In contrast to earlier, Seth appeared to be unfazed and almost amused by Kelly's antics. After all, after today, the oversexed bitch wouldn't be putting her hands all over him anymore. And most of all, he was looking forward to less office-raping from her, too. Yeah, that was a huge plus. At the end of his day, Seth, clad in a black hoodie and sunglasses, cautiously approached an ATM in 7-11, withdrawing as much cash as he could while trying not to look suspicous for anyone else in attendance. For those who glanced at him funny, he shrugged at them in reply and quickly rushed out of the building.

_The brother get ready! Thats a fact!_

_Get ready you Mother, for the big payback (The big Payback!)_

_Let me hit 'em hit'em! Hey Hey! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

Later that night, the three arrived at the bar again and had handed the suitcase to Motherfucker Jones, who sat across from them. When he opened the briefcase, it was empty, except for a single stack of taped together $20 bills.

"Looks like it's all here." he announced, closing the suitcase.

"Turns out we didn't really need the suitcase after all. Could've just used a manila envelope..." Seth began.

"Shut up, Seth." Roman muttered.

"All right, so what is your projected outside date of completion, Motherfucker?" asked Dean.

"I just come back from doing a dime. Some really nasty shit."

"That's ten years." Roman whispered to his friends.

"I know what it is." Seth whispered back.

MF continued, "They're looking at me, I'm on probation. And if I set out of line, I'm going back."

He nodded. "Alright."

"Understood." Dean agreed.

Then, there was an awkward silence across the room.

"Period? End of story? I mean, what is that?" Seth muttered in confusion.

"Wait, I thought you said you were gonna take care of this." Roman replied.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it." he indicated for them to lean closer. "I'm going to be your murder consultant."

Seth quickly shook his head. "I'm sorry, but uh...no, man! Alright? That's not cool."

"Will you shut this fuckin' hamster up?"

Dean snickered while Rollins cried, "I'm a hamster now? Come on!"

"Easy! Easy! Easy!" Roman cried.

"Shush! It's upsetting." Rollins whined.

He eyed him down. "It's...it's...it's somewhat accurate. Now look, that's not what we talked about, Motherfucker. Alright, so, how about we just take the money and we get out of here?"

"How about you go fuck yourself? No refunds."

"That's five thousand fucking dollars. If you think we're just gonna walk out of here and let you keep that..." Dean began, but froze once Jones put his hand in his jacket pocket and moved as if to threaten to shoot them. They gasped.

"Jesus!" Roman cried.

"Listen, Motherfucker, please? Don't shoot us. Let's just talk it out." Seth cried frantically.

"Listen, five thousand is mine. I don't care what you say. Now, you can take my advice or you can get the fuck out of here."

"That's a terrible deal!"

"We should listen to him, okay?" Roman coaxed him. "Go on, man."

"All right, now most killers are first timers. You wanna pull off a brilliant murder, you gotta act like it's an accident. Failed breaks. Gas leaks. Suicide. Okay, if you do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down."

Dean's eyes widened a bit. "Well, shit! That's...that's five...that's five grand and we're done?"

"You got that straight."

"That's kind of obvious. Kind of obvious information, isn't it?" Seth muttered.

"Sounds like some Scooby-Doo type of shit here! How are we supposed to fake three accidents?" asked Ambrose.

"You stalk your prey. You gotta be smart. Find out where they live. Find out their habits. What's their hobbies, what they like. What type of food they like. Find out who they're fucking."

"Huh..." Roman trailed off.

"Find them vulnerable."

"Uh-Uh, I have a job-yeah, we're way too busy with work..." the three rambled at once.

MF continued, "Even if you pulled it off perfectly, if you dudes got motives, the po-po..."

"That means police." Roman whispered quickly.

"...will still penny to you."

"We all have clear motives for killing our bosses. So this is not gonna work. This is garbage!" Dean cried.

He pondered for a moment.

"I got it. Why don't you kill _each other's_ bosses?"

The three exchanged hopeful, impressed looks. Roman spoke up first. "That's...actually a good idea."

Dean nodded along. "Not bad."

"Yeah. Yeah. Like Hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train', right?"

"I haven't seen that. Did they..."

"The Danny DeVito movie. It's funny." Seth replied.

"Yeah. Yeah. That famous Alfred Hitchcock, Danny DeVito movie. That's the one he's..." Reigns sarcastically began, slapping Rollins on the back of the head. "Come on!"

"What?" he whined.

"Come on! You're thinking of Throw Momma from the Train."

He nodded along. "That's what it is."

"That. That I saw, that's a good movie." Dean chuckled along.

"But it's the same idea, basically! If we kill each other's bosses, there's no link to us." Roman nodded.

"Exactly. Five thousand dollars well spent, right?" agreeed MF.

"Uh, ...no. No, waste of money, actually." the three muttered.

"Well, too fuckin' bad." he grabbed the suitcase and rushed out of the booth. "Get out."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day, at Dean's office, Ambrose was busy pouring through a stack of documents when his phone began to ring.

"Yo?" he answered.

"Hey, I'm outside." Roman answered, while he and Seth were sitting in his car, outside Dean's place of work. "Ready to do a little recon?"

"Yeah. I just need to get Laurinaitis to let me leave early." he replied, looking around the office for his boss.

"Why? What's the difference? He's not going to be your boss much longer." he replied, chuckling.

Dean sighed. "All right. I'll be down in three minutes."

"All right, three minutes." Roman hung up, before calling to Seth, "He'll be down in three minutes."

He groggily got up from the back seat from his nap, still wearing his black hoodie. "Oh dude, these seats are crazy comfortable!"

"I know, right?" Reigns smiled. "Hey, want me to do the thing again?"

"Yeah, yeah, do the thing, go."

"One, two, three..." he began, as he leaned his seat back the same time Seth leaned back.

"Ahh." they sighed in unison.

Back in the office, Dean peered over his cubicle wall to see Laurinaitis talking - or screaming, rather - to another employee nearby. As a desperate move, he sighed, leaned over his garbage pail and stuck a pen down his throat. At the sound of Dean's loud wretching, Laurinaitis and his coworkers looked over to see him puking into the trash pail.

"What in God's name...?!" Laurinaitis cried.

"Sorry, sir. I've been fighting this bug all day. I'll just get back to work -" he began weakly, turning back to his desk.

He frowned and shook his head. "No, no, no. You're contageous. Go home. I don't want you getting everyone else sick."

"Probably for the best." he sent him a nod.

"And take all your work with you and have it on my desk at 6 AM, Monday."

"You got it." he nodded, slipping on his jacket.

"Jesus Christ." Laurinaitis muttered.

"Thank you, sir." Dean called.

"And don't forget to take your fucking trash can."

"Yeah, that's fine. Garbage." he muttered, taking the pail with him on his way out.

* * *

Later that same day, the three had driven to their first victim's house, Garrett Bischoff's.

"No, no, don't park right in front of the place..." Dean muttered amongst all of the chatter.

Roman's car pulled up slowly to the curb and parked across the street. Roman, Seth and Dean slumped down in their seats.

"Ok, boys. We wait till Bischoff makes a move, and we tail him. All right?" Reigns announced as the three intently looked at the empty house.

"It is on like Donkey Kong..." agreed Dean.

"Hell yeah!" Seth cheered, eagerly gripping on his friends' shoulders.

"Here we go, huh?" he added.

They watched the house with steely determination.

"So uh, I can't see shit because of that little tree blocking the whole house..." Seth announced after a pause.

"Well, if you can move fucking back, I can move my chair fucking back to see if I can see anything." Dean replied.

"You have a whole entire window back there..." Roman agreed.

"Come on, lean back."

"But I like the whole three-man thing." Rollins replied.

They stopped to find Roman interlocking his fingers together and chuckling.

"What's-what's so funny, Rome? You're making a finger web." Ambrose observed. "Is that your way of camoflauge?"

"Well it IS his boss, he has to find a way to hide himself." Seth replied.

"Finger fly."

"Yeah, finger fly, that's actually a pretty damn good idea." he nodded along, imitating him.

"Rollins, just look out your window." Dean said flatly.

"Do the finger fly!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, we can't be playing jokes for two hours, this is serious business." he replied.

"This is fun!"

Later that same evening...

The guys were now bored out of their minds, barely awake. Seth nibbled on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a plastic bag.

"Oh my God. I can't believe how much this blows." Dean announced flatly.

"I don't get it. On TV, surveillance always looks so fun. They've got their cups of coffee. Their sunflower seeds. They talk about their lives and shit and then, right when they reveal something really intimate, the perp appears and they spring into action!" Seth exclaimed.

"Yup." Roman agreed.

There was another long, silent pause as they watched the house...

"...Are we even sure this guy's home?" Dean realized, while they exchanged looks.

Pause.

"Well, let's go check it out." Roman announced, opening the door as the others agreed and followed him.

"All right, what do you guys wanna do? What's the plan?" Seth asked as they crossed the street and headed onto Bischoff's lawn.

"Let's look into his windows first." Dean replied.

"No, no. Let's ring the bell. If we hear any movements, we'll know he's here." Reigns replied.

"Why can't we just look through the window?" he hissed back.

"Why bother with either idea, chances are he's not even home anyway!" Seth argued. "I haven't seen any activity in this house..."

"What are you doing?" Dean cried, stopping Roman. "You're not gonna ring the bell-"

The garage door suddenly began rattling and making its way up while the guys jumped and ran to hide.

"Oh!-Oh, shit!" they cried. They leapt over his patio when the door opened fully, while Garrett's car (blasting loud music) sped out of the driveway and into the street. When he was out of sight, the boys caught sight of the open - soon-to-be-closing- garage door.

"C'mon, C'mon!" Dean cried, as he and Roman rushed and slipped inside of the garage just in time. "Seth!"

Rollins rushed as fast as he could, but when he tried to slide under, he crashed into the closed door, falling on his ass. "Oh! Crap. Fuck! I didn't make it in!" he called. He knocked and soon after, the door opened again. "Sorry, guys."

As they eased their way through the garage, Rollins nearly jumped back at the sight of a foux bear standing by the back door. "Jeez, the guy owns a fucking bear?"

Soon enough, the trio entered Garrett's living room, taking in all the utter tackiness.

Roman winced. "Look at this place. It's awful! It's like a douchebag museum. It's like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole."

Seth chuckled. "Aw man, the dude's got a fooseball table!"

"Seth! Don't touch anything, get your hands off that!" Dean cried as he quickly backed away in defense.

He snapped his fingers in realization. "Fingerprints."

"Yeah, fingerprints." he nodded.

"Oh my God. We should be wearing gloves!" Rollins cried.

"Well, we don't have-"

"Oh, I know." Roman announced. "Use your sleeves."

"Wait, what?" Dean asked, confused.

"Use em for gloves!" Seth replied.

"Yeah."

"Oop, I can see my fingerprints from here, this isn't good." he said, quickly using his sleeves to wipe off the handles on the fooseball table.

"Ok, so what's the plan?" Dean demanded.

"We're here to get some intel." Reigns replied.

"Intel?"

"Yeah. Short for intelligence."

"I know what it stands for!"

"Then why did you ask?" wondered Seth.

Roman shook his head. "Why are we talking about this? Let's split up."

"Right."

"Split up."

"Yeah. We'll find something good, and we're in and out of here." he agreed as the three went their seperate ways.

"Wow. We're committing a crime." Rollins rambled on. "This is a crime. Wait. Whoa..."

He approached a table, carrying a box of white powder. (AKA, Cocaine). Carefully picking it up with his sleeves, he turned to Dean and continued, "Now, this would count as intel, right?"

Dean whistled. "Holy shit! That's a lot of cocaine!"

"Have you ever seen this much cocaine in your life? That's gotta be worth what? Ten, fifteen..."

Suddenly he dropped the box of cocaine and it spread all over them and the carpet in a puff of smoke, to their dismay.

Seth cried out. "Ah! I blew it! I blew that, didn't I?"

Dean said nothing and turned the other way, not having any kind of response to dignify what had just happened.

Meanwhile, Roman was searching his boss's bedroom, filled with more tackiness, including a king-sized tacky bed to match. At first, he'd seen nothing worth taking...until he eyed down the Blackberry phone on the beside stand. Smirking, he snatched it up and slid it in his back pocket.

Back in the living room...

"Don't inhale." Dean instructed.

"Grab the box, I'll scoop it in." Seth replied.

"I really don't want to fucking touch it. I don't have sleeved gloves." he complained.

"Well, get something to...scoop it in."

In the meantime, Dean couldn't help but to taste the cocaine that landed around his mouth. He coughed. "Fuck! It's so bitter!"

Meanwhile, Roman had made his way into Garrett's restroom, and at first didn't see anything else worth taking...until he eyed down his toothbrush and then snickered evilly.

"Heh heh heh..." he replied, slipping the object down the front of his pants, purposely brushing his privates to rile Garrett up. "How you like me now, cokehead? Heh heh." he snickered again, placing the toothbrush back in its stand.

Back in the living room...

"Scoop it up, scoop it up..." Seth muttered, still trying to get rid of the scattered cocaine.

"Wait, wait." Dean announced, coming into the room with a dustbuster. "Watch out."

As he began vaccuming up the drug, Seth smiled and cheered along. "Ok, there you go! Go slower!"

"Get on the couch...Stop helping..." Dean stopped, turning to him with a stern, annoyed look.

He slowly backed away, brushed off any leftover cocaine on himself, and coughed while he let Dean take care of the work.

Back in the restroom, Roman was still invading Garrett's personal items. Grabbing some dental floss, he grinned again and did the same thing that he did earlier with the toothbrush. "Mmm, oh yeah..." he chuckled.

In the living room...

Dean opened the dustbuster to empty the cocaine back in the box, while a handful of dust also got dumped out, too. The two looked down at the mess and didn't say a word.

Seth meekly turned to him and finally said, "...You probably should have...emptied the dustbuster first."

There was a few beats of silence while Dean blinked and slowly turned to him.

"Is that what you think?" he quietly (and sarcastically) asked.

Rollins gave him a little nod. "I was thinking that. On account of the dust."

...

"Heh heh...floss." Roman snickered, going through Garrett's entire medicine cabinet.

...

"A sifter." Dean realized, rushing off to find one.

"Yes, that would be good." Seth nodded. "And uh, I'll start picking."

He slowly began picking the non-cocaine items out of the box, but paused, sniffling.

...

Roman eyed down the contents of the medicine cabinet and realized that he'd violated just about everything. With a satisfied smile, he nodded and announced, "That should do it." before shutting off the light and heading back out.

Now, in the living room, as they were picking the dust from the cocaine, Dean and Seth just couldn't help but inhale a bit of the stuff, too. Except maybe they inhaled a BIT too much...

Seth cried quickly, "I feel like things are gonna work out, you know? Cause I'm like a machine, you know? Look how fast I'm picking out this scrap, you know? I'm moving like super fast. I can't even feel my nose."

"No. Do you wanna know what's weird?" Dean asked, just as quickly.

"Yeah."

"That I feel like I should be panicking right now."

"Mmhmm."

"And I am a little bit, but it's in a very very good way."

"I'm witchin' out, right?" Seth giggled.

Ambrose nodded so quickly that he thought his head would fly off. "It's a good kind of panic. Cause I feel like I...I wanna fuckin' die right now, but I also feel very very very good."

"Yeah!" he grinned in agreement.

"HEY!" Roman's angry voice cried, startling the others. "What the hell are you guys doing?!"

"Nothing. But you know, before we go I just wanna take one more quick piss." Dean announced, before running out of the room.

"Take a quick piss and I'm gonna do push ups. Cause I can do anything." Rollins exclaimed, doing a few push ups.

"What the hell have you guys done?" Reigns demanded.

"I'm feeling good, dude! You wanna help me clean? Like we bonded over this. This is like friendship stuff. We broke into someone's house, man!"

"Seth!"

He giggled again. "It's like I had the most amazing experience of my life."

"Seth!" he cried, trying to get him to stop.

"We broke into a man's house..."

"SETH!"

"...and suddenly I'm like and expert at sifting cocaine. It's fucking amazing, dude! Come here! Help me with this." he rambled on.

Later...

"I can't believe we went in completely unprepared." Dean (now sobered up) announced as he, Seth, and Roman were now driving down the street to their next location. "Complete waste of fucking time."

In the backseat, Seth continously rubbed his face, trying to get over his cocaine rush.

"Well, no. Not a total waste of time." Roman announced, slipping out the Blackberry and handing it to Dean.

"What's that? That his phone?" the boys asked.

"Yep. That's his phone, all right."

"You steal this?" Dean wondered.

"I got his contacts, schedule, weird pictures of him doing awesome shit..."

"Nice." he nodded.

"No." Seth spoke up.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Roman questioned.

"That's a crime!"

Roman turned back to him.

"Nobody said we'd be stealing!"

"That was a good grab." Dean chimed in.

"We broke in! You guys did cocaine!" Reigns argued back.

"That's THREE CRIMES!" he freaked out.

"He's all jizzed out." Dean announced. "Ignore him."

"No. We're literally in the process of getting ready to kill three people, and you're gonna give me shit about stealing a fucking phone?" he demanded.

Seth quickly shook his head. "You run it by me if you're gonna be stealing stuff. You gotta..."

"Run it by you?"

"Run it by me!"

"Okay. Okay. Dean, will you hold this for a second?" Roman began, referring to the steering wheel. Then, he whipped around and began hitting Seth, who cried out in response. "I'm not gonna run anything by you! I'm not gonna run anything _by_ you!" He calmly turned around and took the wheel again. "Dickhead."

"There's a lot of stuff in here." Dean referred to the phone, ignoring his and Seth's antics.

Regaining his composure, Reigns lit up and cried, "I know! That's what I'm talking about. So you wanna hit your boss now?"

"Sure."

"Let's do it."

As revenge from before, Seth slapped Roman on the back of the head.

"Oh!"

"Whoop, you gotta take care of that." Ambrose said calmly, taking the wheel again while Reigns whipped around to attack Rollins once again.

"OW!...Get off me!" Seth cried. "Come on!"

"HEY! You DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm the driver!" the Samoan cried.

"Hey, I need you for the brakes." Dean said flatly.

"Oh, shit, the brakes. Sorry, buddy." Roman told Dean, before trying to turn back to the wheel.

"Get the brakes!" Rollins cried.

"Don't...push...the DRIVER, Seth!" he cried back.

"Get the wheel!"

"You don't fucking push the driver!"

Dean turned back to Seth and muttered, "You don't push the fucking driver man, come on."

"I'm coked out of my fucking head, I'll push whoever the fuck I want to." Rollins cried back, crouching to himself in case Roman decided to attack him again.


	6. Chapter 6

_**^_^ Enjoy!**_

* * *

Chapter 6

Moments later, the boys pulled into a high class neighborhood with huge houses, and once they reached Laurinaitis's posh place, it looked no different than the other places in the area. Just as expected.

"Wait, wait, hold on." Dean announced. "The last time the three of us did this, it got a little...messy."

"No, it was awesome." Seth muttered.

"No, here's what we're gonna do. In the event that Laurinaitis isn't here, just me and Rome are gonna go in, you stay here and be our lookout."

"What? Are you kidding me, that's awesome! The lookout! I don't know what the guy looks like, though." he replied.

"It doesn't matter." Roman replied.

"Doesn't matter. Just assume that it's Laurinaitis, send us a signal." Ambrose explained. "Okay?"

He nodded and sighed, feeling a bit nervous while he handed him the car keys. "Ok."

"Good, get in there, then." Reigns replied as they headed off.

"Hey, wait. I'm gonna honk the horn six times." Rollins called while they turned around.

"Did he say six?" Dean questioned.

Roman quickly shook his head. "No! No! No! Something much more subtle."

"That's too many." he agreed.

"More subtle?" questioned Seth.

"Mmhmm." Reigns agreed.

"Four honks?"

"Can you honk once?" asked Dean.

"Are you kiddin' me?"

"No."

"People honk once all the time! You're gonna be running in and out of the house." Seth tried to reason with them.

"Oh, come on, man. We'll know it's you." the two replied, wanting to end the argument already.

"Hey, that kind of tone's going to get you-"

"Seth, Seth. Two honks?" Roman decided. "Please?"

"Alright. Two honks. Fine!" he sighed.

Dean nodded. "Two honks. Tap-tap."

Seth nodded along. "Okay." And with that, Dean and Roman slowly headed towards Laurinaitis's place. Meanwhile, Rollins was still mulling over his job, making sure he wouldn't screw THIS one up, too. "Two very long, very slow, honks."

Meanwhile, Roman and Dean snuck up to the front porch which was camouflaged by shrubs. They peeked inside.

"Anything over there?" Roman called.

"Err...nope, we're good." Ambrose replied. "He's definitely out."

"All right, looks like the coast is clear." he nodded, looking up at the place. "Maybe we can find a way in upstairs."

"Yeah, or maybe there's a WINDOW open..." Dean said, before slowly picking up a fairly larged sized rock and tossing it to Roman. "Or better yet...this could make things easier, huh?"

Reigns chuckled. "I like the way you think. Stand back."

As he was about to toss the rock towards the door, Ambrose cried, "NO, man, what are you doing-"

But Roman tossed the rock towards the door anyway. And the rock itself broke instead. He blinked in confusion. "Holy shit. I broke a rock."

"Dude, obviously this is one of those hide-a-key fake rocks," he replied, picking up one half of the rock and sliding out a hidden key.

Roman blinked in surprise. "Oh. Yeah, I-I knew that."

"You weren't just gonna throw a rock through the door..."

"No, of course not!" Reigns exclaimed. "No, I wanted to...open it."

"Like a real cat burglar." Dean chuckled as he slowly and quietly opened the front door.

Looking inside the spacious area, Roman whistled in approval. "Wow."

"Now this is just recon, ok?" Dean reminded him as they crept through the dark place.

All was quiet as they continued to make their way through, until a gray cat leapt over Dean's head and towards the other side of the room with a loud _"MEOW!"_

"GOD!" Ambrose cried, startled.

The cat looked down at them.

"Hey, hey. Just a cat." Roman assured him.

"Outta fuckin' nowhere!"

"It's just a cat, we're good. Let's go upstairs, c'mon."

Dean cautiously looked around for any more cats, and then rushed to join his friend.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the car, Seth was belting out to a song on the radio instead of looking out for Dean's boss.

"They call me 'hell'

"They call me 'Stacey'

"They call me 'her'

"They call me 'Jane'

"That's not my name!" *clap clap* "That's not my name!" *clap clap* "That's not my name!" *clap clap* "That's not my name!"

"They call me 'quiet'

"But I'm a riot

"Mary-Jo-Lisa

"Always the same

"That's not my name!" *leans back* "That's not my name!" *leans back* "That's not my name!" *leans back* "That's not my name!"

* * *

Back in the house...

Roman and Dean quietly made their way upstairs when...

**_"MEOW!"_**

"Oh, goddamn it!" Roman cried, holding Dean, who was startled again by the random cat. "Jesus, how many cats do they have?"

"It's the same one, I think." Ambrose replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Quick little bugger, huh?" Reigns chuckled, before stopping to look at a wedding picture of Laurinaitis and his much younger, much more attracive wife, Candice. "Whoa. Is this Laurinaitis's wife?"

"Yep, that's her."

"Man, she is hot!"

Dean nodded. "She sure is. Here we go."

"Tell you what, I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states. You know what I'm sayin'?" Roman chuckled, glancing back at his friend.

Ambrose slowly shook his head. "I don't know what that means."

"It's a saying."

"I don't think so."

"No. It is! It is! Yeah. People say that." he chuckled.

"I haven't heard it."

"I...I've definitely heard people say that."

Dean blinked. "I'm not gonna argue with you. Let's continue the recon."

Roman cried, "Well, that's definitely a phrase."

"It sure isn't!"

"Yeah, it is. It's from a book. The Great Gatsby, maybe?" he explained as they headed off.

"All right, let's just look for an address book, day planner, anything." Dean instructed once they entered a bedroom.

"Ok. Wow, they got pictures of more cats here. These people fucking love cats." Roman observed.

Back outside, Seth was now playing Angry Birds on his phone while finishing the rest of his PB&J, and after he got the win, he chuckled to himself while he quickly tossed the wrapper out onto the street. Little did he know, Laurinaitis himself came jogging down the street and noticed this. He slowly stopped and picked up the wrapper before turning to Seth and catching his attention.

"Hey, schmuck face?"

Seth turned to him.

"You wanna tell me what you're doing littering on my street?"

"I think what happened..." he began, clearing his throat. "...was that the wind blew it out of my hand."

"I don't care if the wind blew it out of your twat. Now why don't you take this piece of shit car, and get off my fucking block." he demanded.

"I don't know why you're mad at the car, but I don't think we should get hostile right now."

"Hostile? You wanna see hostile? How about I go in my house and I get my gu..." he stopped in mid sentence. Soon enough, he started to choke as he inhaled some of the peanut particles from the wrapper. Seth had no clue what was going on, though.

"Uhh. What's goin' on with you?"

"...Peanuts!" he choked out.

"...Penis?" Rollins misheard him, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

Laurinaitis fell to the ground, going into anaphylactic shock.

"Oh, peanuts!" he realized, quickly stepping out of the car. "That was a PB&J in there, are you not good with peanuts?"

He groaned in reply and gestured down to his leg.

"What? What are you pointing at? Here?" he cried, reaching his leg and slipping out an epipen. "Oh, I got it! I got it, what do we do?!"

He pointed towards his own chest, but Seth was busy trying to read the instructions from the epipen. "Wait, wait, I-ok I got it, point it at your chest! I got you, I got you, man..." he began, ripping open his jacket and with a large thrust, jabbed the pen into his chest.

"UHHH!" Laurinaitis groaned, nearly leaping off of the ground.

"AAH!" Seth cried along. "Are you good? Did I get you?! No? All righty then, AHH!" he cried, about to stab him again.

Meanwhile, back in the house, Roman looked out of the window before seeing the scene going on in the street. "Whoa. Whoa, dude, come here."

"What?" Dean called.

"Hurry! Look at this!"

"GAH!" Seth cried, stabbing Laurinaitis again.

Dean eyed down the guy on the ground and his eyes widened. "Oh shit! That's him!"

"That's Laurinaitis?!" Roman cried, shocked.

"Seth's killing him!"

Meanwhile...

"I'll hit you again, ok?" Rollins cried, nodding. "AAH!"

While he stabbed him again, the boys watched on, still in shock.

"Whoa!" Ambrose cried. "He's doing it!"

"He's really fucking doing it?!" Reigns cried. "This is the recon stage!"

"Oh, shit!"

"Uh, uh, we gotta get outta here. C'mon!" he cried, dragging Dean off.

"Yeah, let's go, let's go!"

Roman tried to rush past him, but tumbled over a couch and didn't realize something huge - the phone that he'd stolen from Bishcoff had slipped out of his pocket and onto the floor.

Back outside...

"Ok, I'm pushing on it...okay, little dabs." Seth continued, still on top of Laurinaitis. "Little dabs..."

"Uhhhhh..."

"Okay, how about your neck?" he exclaimed, jabbing the needle there while he cried out yet again. While they were distracted, Seth didn't see Dean and Roman fleeing the house and leaving him to take the fall.

"Okay, almost there, almost there!" Rollins exclaimed, still stabbing him while another car quickly pulled up to the scene. It was Laurinaitis's wife, Candice.

"Oh, my God."

"Hey, hey, over here, quick!" Seth cried, waving her over.

"What's going on? What are you doing?" she cried, rushing out of the car and joining them. "What's happened?"

"I think he's doing okay, do you know this man?"

"Of course I do, he's my husband!" she kneeled down to him. "Sweetie, honey? Sweetheart, are you okay?"

He groaned happily and sat up. "Ah!"

"Aah!" Candice cheered, clapping.

"There he is! Hey!" Seth weakly cheered along.

"Ow..." he said, getting his voice back. "What did you do to me?"

"I saved you with your thingy!" he exclaimed, holding up the epipen. "It was incredible!"

Laurinaitis continued groaning as he stood back up. "Thank God, sweetie! He saved your life!" Candice exclaimed, smiling towards Seth. She wrapped him in a more-than-friendly hug and kissed his cheek. "You saved his life, mwah, mwah, mwah..."

"Okay. It's cool." he smiled a bit.

"What's with the hugging?" he demanded.

"I saved your life, man!" he cheered, sending him a thumbs up.

"Sweetie, I am just so grateful that he was here! You could've died!" Candice exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm sure you _are_ grateful that he was here." he replied, sternly. "You-You know this guy?"

"No, no."

"Are you FUCKING this guy, Candice?!"

"No!" Seth cried, surprised.

"What were you doing out here? Were you waiting to fuck my wife?"

"Dude, I just met your wife, I don't know what the fuck's happening. You want your thing back?" Rollins asked quickly.

He frowned and snatched it from him. "You better get the fuck outta here."

He nodded. "You got it."

And while he climbed inside the car, Candice quietly scolded her husband. "What-what are you doing? You should be THANKING this young man! Why are you being so suspicious?"

"I know you sleep around..."

In the meantime, Seth began to drive off, slowly honking his horn twice in hopes that his friends (who had left minutes ago) would sneak out and join him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dean and Roman were walking side by side on a sidewalk, away from Laurinaitis's neighborhood and were mulling over what their friend had just done.

"You realize we're all going to jail because of that fucking idiot, right?" Dean announced, pissed.

Roman quickly shook his head. "I can't go to jail! Look at me! I'll get raped like crazy!"

"They'll fuck me too." he glanced at him.

Reigns paused to eye Dean up and down, scoffing. "Yeah. Totally."

Ambrose stopped to glare at him. "I'd get raped, just as much as you would."

"No. No. I know you would." he smirked.

"You think you're more rapeable than I am?" he demanded.

"Dean. Dean, I'm not saying anything like it." the Samoan said calmly.

Before they could argue any more, the sound of an oncoming car startled them.

"Oh, shit-" Roman began, but they stopped walking once they saw that Seth had pulled up to the curb. Stepping out, he chuckled away and began, "Haha, holy shit. Did you guys SEE me out there?"

"Yeah, we fuckin' saw you, Seth." Dean said, none too amused.

"Shh!"

"We saw that."

"How cool was that?" he smiled.

"It wasn't cool! At all. We come here to gather information and you start stabbing Laurinaitis to death in front of the whole neighborhood?!" Ambrose demanded.

Seth blinked, confused. "That was Laurinaitis?"

"Who'd you think you were stabbing?"

"I wasn't stabbing anyone, he had an allergic reaction to some peanuts and I...I rescued him, y'know what I mean? He had a little allergy shot on him and-and I jabbed him with that, but I was just saving his life." he explained with a light chuckle. "I saved a man's life!"

Hearing this, Ambrose realized something. "Hang on a second! So my boss, who we're thinking about planning to kill, is dying in front of you and you saved his life?"

Rollins meekly looked around. "...Well, that sounds bad when you say it like that."

Dean gave up on him. "Ok. Can...can you open the door?"

"Yeah, yeah." Roman replied before glaring at Seth. "That's not cool."

"But, I didn't...I didn't know it was Laurinaitis!" he argued, while he and Dean stepped into the car.

"Push the button!" Dean called, not wanting to hear it.

"See, this is why I need to know what people look like, man! You can't just..."

Seth's rambling was muffled while Roman stepped back into the driver's seat and Dean rode shotgun. "Rome, can we just leave him out here, give him a time out or something, please?" he asked.

"Yeah." he agreed, locking the doors while Seth tried again and again to break in.

"Hey, make up your fucking mind! It's like-" Rollins stopped, realizing that he was locked out. "What is this?"

"You gotta admit, at least we got some pretty good intel tonight, I mean, Laurinaitis is deathly allergic to peanuts." Dean realized, turning to Roman. "Plus, Bischoff's got a huge stash of cocaine, so..."

"Are we playing this game? Really?" Seth demanded, pacing around the car.

"Yeah, so all we gotta do is figure out how to get peanuts into Laurinaitis's house and put some poison into Biscoff's coke, right?" Roman agreed.

"It's very easy to think that Biscoff got a bad batch of cocaine." Ambrose replied.

"Are you seriously locking me out of the car? Like we're in 8th grade?" Rollins continued.

"And what about Laurinaitis, he's always got that injector thing on him, right?" replied Roman.

"He doesn't shower with it."

"Well then we'll put some peanuts or something inside his shampoo, I guess?"

"That would be a couple of fatal accidents that we're not even there for." Dean agreed.

"Motherfucker Jones would be so proud." Reigns realized.

"I know." he added, while Seth kept knocking on the car's windows, growing extremely annoyed and impatient.

"Gettin' old." Seth muttered.

"All right, so what do we do about Seth's boss?" Dean asked.

"Well I can stake her out tomorrow, I guess." Roman replied.

Meanwhile, there was a loud bang from the outside of the car, coming from Seth. "A man has his limits!" Then, he proceeded to kick the car over and over again. "UH! UH! UH!"

Ambrose sighed. "Get him fuckin' HOME."

Reigns sighed and unlocked the door, finally letting a pissed off Rollins back in. "VERY funny. VERY funny, guys." he announced, glaring between them both.

"Well, we have one thing to figure out, if you want to help us out." Roman announced. "If we were in prison, who do you think would get raped more?"

"Oh. Dean." he answered coolly.

Reigns looked a bit disappointed. "Really? Why?"

"Cause it's about weakness and vulnerability."

"Good enough." he shrugged, while Dean mindlessly bonked his head against the window.

"You know?" Rollins agreed.

"Yeah, it is. It probably would be." he agreed as they drove off.

"Locked out of the car though, that's bullshit..." he muttered.

"I hate you both." Ambrose announced, still upset over their little argument.


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: So on a side note, how sexy the boys of the Shield looked last night at the Slammys all dressed up! *_* I mean whew, Holy Hotness. Anyways, enough of my fangirling, enjoy! ^_^**_

* * *

Chapter 7

So the next day, the three went through with the next (and most important) stage of their plans as they headed to the nearest CVS to buy the supplies that they needed. Dean headed to one aisle and eyed down two boxes - Rat Attack and Rat Out. Looking them over to see which would be more effective, he shrugged and decided on the Rat Out.

Meanwhile, Roman had headed to the gardening aisle and picked up a pair of binoculars, looking through them to see someone's luscious ass from a short distance. Smirking, he put the binoculars down to see who he was looking at...and it just happened to be a male employee stocking some plants on a shelf. Feeling awkward now, Reigns slowly placed the binoculars down before quickly scurrying away.

In the meantime, Seth had brought a few odds and ends until he reached a huge peanut display which read '3 for $2.49'. "Sweet!" he muttered, but instead of taking three, he basically shoved the entire shelf into his small little basket, destroying the display at the same time.

As the three made their way out to their cars, Dean and Roman eyed down the 5 bags that Seth carried. "Jesus, Seth, it's a murder, not a cocktail party." Reigns told him.

"Hey, you don't have to announce that to the world, okay? There was a great deal on nuts, I'm not gonna pass up on a sale like that!" he argued.

"All right, all right, so this is it." Dean announced. "I'll deal with Bischoff, Seth, you deal with Laurinaitis, and Rome, you get some intel on Kelly."

"All right." Reigns nodded along with Rollins.

"See you on the other side." Seth agreed.

Once they all stepped in their respective cars, Roman easily pulled off, while Dean and Seth tried pulling off at the same time and nearly got into a head on collision at the same time. Another car was trying to get a spot and had to maneuver around both their cars, while Seth waved an arm out for Dean to go first. Once he left, the third car tried to get a spot in and nearly hit Seth's car from behind. Again.

* * *

Later that same evening, Roman had pulled up across the street from Kelly's house, eagerly awaiting to get some intel on her. Meanwhile, Dean parked in front of Garrett Bischoff's house once again, looking across to see a few of his hookers leaving the building, before Garrett eyed them down and headed back inside. Back at Kelly's place, Roman whipped out the binoculars that he'd brought to see the blonde pull into her driveway, and seeing her for the first time, Reigns chuckled devilishly, seeing just how hot she really was. "Oh, ho ho..." She bent down to pick something out of her trunk, and seeing her round, luscious ass in perfect view, well, it was beginning to turn him on. While she paid him no mind and headed inside of her house, Roman's cell went off, snapping him back to reality. "Oh! Shit..." he fumbled to pick it up. "Yeah?"

Dean was on the other line. "Hey, how's it going with Kelly? What do you know about her?"

"I've learned that I gotta switch dentists, because this woman is unbelievably hot." he replied. "How's it going over there?"

"It's uh...just...I'm just waiting for Bischoff to, y'know, sleep or...leave, or...just waiting." Ambrose replied, a bit nervous. "I wonder what Seth's doing with Laurinaitis."

_"This is gonna be hard. But I'm gonna work at this everyday to do that because I want you."_ a man said on the portable DVD player that Seth had brought with him. He sniffled and tried to fight back a few tears as he watched the movie. _"I want all of you. Forever, you and me, everyday..."_

Seeing a light come on from Laurinaitis's place though, Seth closed the DVD player and turned his attention to the house.

Inside, Laurinaitis looked around suspiciously, then went to his wife's closet. He opened it and began looking through her clothing, and then went on to sniff one of her dresses, to where his eyes narrowed. He sniffed himself, then compared it to the scent of the dress. Unsatisfied, he continued searching around the room for any incriminating evidence. Suddenly, the ringtone 'Kung Fu Fighting' was heard somewhere on the floor, while Laurinaitis looked on in confusion, and found the source of the sound to be under a chair. The gray cat who had scared Dean earlier was reaching under to grab it, when he grabbed it first. "Gimme that. Give me." He reached under and grabbed...Bischoff's blackberry. Looking more suspicous than ever, he turned it on and scrolled down the contacts list to "HOME", which showed Garrett Bischoff's name and address. Laurinaitis's face turned beet red. Oh, it was on. Moments later, Laurinaitis's Porsche pulled out and zoomed up the street, while Seth quickly ducked down as he sped through. Still scooched down, Rollins quickly grabbed his phone.

Meanwhile, Dean continued to watch as Bischoff performed a series of sweaty kung fu moves in a full-length mirror. "Jesus, where does he get the energy?" Ambrose muttered before he paused. "...Oh yeah."

In the meantime, Seth had entered Laurinaitis's house not long after he'd stormed out of there, and with his peanut jar in hand, he quietly crept through the place while searching for the restroom. Slowly opening the last door in the hall-

**_"MEOW!"_** the gray cat leapt out at him.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Seth shrieked, nearly stumbling into the bathtub. With his chest heaving, he looked around and cried, "What the fuck was that?!" Then, he turned to the shampoo bottle resting beside him, and held both that and the peanut jar in his hands. "Ok..ok...I can do this..." he tried to assure himself.

Meanwhile, Dean continued watching outside Bishoff's house, and was feeling more anxious than ever. "Ok...ok...I can fuckin' do this..." he also tried to assure himself, looking at the box of rat poison he carried. Moments later, his cell rung. "...Yeah, Seth?"

"I don't think I can do this." he replied, sitting on the edge of the tub, still clutching the peanuts jar. In the meantime, Dean sat there frozen, while little did he know, Laurinaitis's truck pulled up behind his car. Seth continued, "I know you hate Laurinaitis, but I don't think I can go through with it, man."

"Yeah, I-I know, I've been thinking the same thing." Dean agreed, nodding.

_"Yeah, let's just call it off."_

Dean froze though, once he saw his boss strolling across the street. "What the fuck?" he whispered.

"What?" Seth replied.

"It's Laurinaitis, he's here!"

_"He's at Bischoff's? Why?"_

"I don't know, he's at the front door."

_"You think he's on to us?"_

"How the fuck do I know?"

Across the street, Laurinaitis had knocked on the door, and moments later, Garrett appeared in the doorway. "What?" he asked. Johnny handed him his phone back and then swiftly pulled out a gun, shooting him square in the chest. Dean, in the meantime, nearly jumped out of his skin in shock. He quickly ducked down. "Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, Laurinaitis just shot Bischoff!" he cried.

_"Are you sure?"_

Bischoff's body was already on the ground, but Laurinaitis shot him once more for good measure, before casually walking off.

"Holy shit!" Ambrose cried. "He opened up the door, Laurinaitis shot him once in the chest. He fell down, he shot him again in the head."

_"He got him? He GOT him?! Wait, what's going on? I don't understand!" _Seth cried while Dean's eyes widened at the sight of Laurinaitis heading his way. _"Dude, what's going on? Dean? Dean? Dean, Dean, what's happening?!"_

Fortunately, Laurinaitis missed Dean hiding in his car and stepped back into his own, before quickly driving off.

"What's going on with Bischoff, how's Bischoff doing?" Seth cried, nervous as hell.

"He's still pretty fucking dead, Seth." Ambrose replied. "Look, I gotta get outta here before somebody sees me. Meet me at the bar, I gotta call Roman."

"Yeah, I'll meet you there. I may throw up a couple times in the toilet first, but then I'll meet you there." Rollins nodded, hanging up.

In the meantime, Dean shuffled to slip on his seat belt, before rushing to hand-crank the damn window closed. "Ohh...oh, Toyota." In Laurinaitis's house, Seth shuffled to place the shampoo and everything back where it belonged, while out in the road, Dean sped his car through an intersection, not seeing the camera up above catching him speeding, and the deer-in-headlights look he had on his face while he fled the scene.

* * *

Later that night, in Bradford's bar...

"Okay, let's all stay calm, we'll figure this out." Roman announced, joining his two terrified friends.

"Yeah I'll stay calm, a guy just fucking got shot an hour ago." Dean huffed, crossing his arms.

"Well hey, he was gonna get killed, anyway!"

"I don't know about that." he shrugged. "I don't know if I had it in me."

"Me neither." Seth agreed. "I freaked out, I panicked, I got outta there."

"What?!" Reigns demanded, shocked. "Are you fucking kidding me? You can't change a plan like this at the last second!"

"Look, Reigns, when it came down to it, do you think you could kill Kelly?" Dean demanded.

He looked down and shrugged a bit. "...I don't know. I don't know, maybe you're right. It is a little hard to imagine killing her now."

_"Now?"_

"What does _that_ mean?" Seth demanded.

"You sleep with her?" Dean snapped.

"No! No!" Roman cried defensively.

"You said you wouldn't sleep with her, dude!" Rollins cried.

Dean shook his head in disappointment. "You're such a fucking mess!"

Roman sighed. "I know! I know! But this time it wasn't my fault. I swear to God!"

"Well, you'll absolutely be a suspect if you kill her now!" Seth exclaimed.

"Ok, listen. At first I was surveying her, like I was asked to do." he explained.

"That WAS all you were asked to do!" he exclaimed again.

"She is incredibly hot."

Rollins punched him on the arm. "Don't talk about how hot she is, you fucking God damn bastard!"

He continued, chuckling a bit. "So fucking hot! She really is hot. Next thing you know, she starts deliberately undressing. In front of her window, with her lights on! Come on! It's like she knew I was watching her."

"What does 'deliberately undressing' mean?" Seth questioned.

"There were shoulder moves, I mean..." he talked over him, reliving the memory of Kelly slowly undressing by her window.

...

_"She is clearly putting on a show."_

_Kelly entered her bedroom with a tray of food. She wore a skimpy kimono-style robe._

_"Then, the next thing you know, she uh...she makes herself a little snack."_

_She sat on her bed and unwrapped a Popsicle, eating it as suggestively as humanly possible._

_"Did she have an ice chest?" asked Dean._

_"A popsicle."_

_Then, she picked up a banana and peeled it._

_"Then a banana."_

_She eased the whole entire banana into her mouth._

_"Come on!" Seth cried._

_Lastly, she picked up a hot dog, eating it the exact same way._

_"And finally, a hot dog! I mean, come on!" Roman finished, snapping back to reality._

_..._

Rollins quickly shook his head. "No, I don't believe your story."

"Three penis shaped foods! That...that can't be a coincidence, right? And eating them in that weird order? That's not proper meal." he finished, crossing his arms.

"It's cold and hot." Dean shrugged.

"Okay. Fine. So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?" Seth asked, unimpressed.

...

_Flashing back, Kelly casually opened her front door and headed upstairs, while Roman tried to keep his composure and rushed out of the car, getting tangled in the seat belt at the same time. Once he was free, he headed up her driveway and removed his shirt while he rushed inside her place._

_"No! No! God, no! No! No! I took her invitation to fuck her, as an invitation to fuck her. She like, lured me in!" _Roman's VO explained.

Dean VO: _"There's definitely something clinically wrong with you."_

Seth VO: _"You're a fucking whore!"_

_..._

Back to today, Roman finished, _"_Ah, come on! That's not nice. Look, your problem's solved, she's not gonna mess with you anymore."

"Can we move on to the business at hand?" Dean demanded. "Let's talk about what happened to Bischoff tonight!"

Roman paced the room. "Alright. Okay. Let me think here. Okay, here's what I'm thinking. Here's an idea; we call the cops with an anonymous tip."

Seth nodded. "Right."

"Alright. We tell them that Laurinaitis killed Bischoff. Boom! Laurinaitis's in jail, Bischoff's in hell, Kelly's had the crazy fucked out of her. And all three of us have our problems solved."

Dean nodded along. "Could work. An anonymous tip. That's not bad."

"Mmhmm."

"Gotta be from a pay phone, though. So they don't, y'know, trace back to us."

"Sounds good."

"Cool, let's take my car and let's go." Dean finished as the three headed out.

Once they settled themselves in, Roman asked, "So, where do you find a pay phone these days?"

"There's tons of them! Bus stations, I'm sure." Seth replied, buckling up.

"Oh, oh yeah."

But before they could leave the parking lot, the sound of sirens made them freeze where they were. An officer stopped behind them and climbed out of their car.

"Wait. What is this? What is this?" Roman cried, turning around.

"Is that for us?" asked Dean.

"Oh, shit."

The officer knocked on Dean's window, while he opened it about a half inch. "All the way down."

"Right there." Ambrose announced, stiffly looking around.

The officer inspected the car itself and the people who occupied it before asking, "You the owner of this vehicle?"

"I own it." he nodded slowly. "Yep."

"We got an APB on a gray Toyota Prius. License - two, W, A, Q, two, three, three."

"How come?" Seth asked.

"Hang on, man." Dean muttered.

The officer turned to Rollins. "...Did I talk to you?"

"Nope." he quickly replied, diverting his attention to the light on the roof of the car.

"So this is that car. Um, tell me how I can help." Dean continued.

"Well, traffic cam caught this car fleeing from the scene of a crime tonight. Do you know anything about that?"

"I don't know why it would do that." he shrugged. "I mean, I dunno...What happened?"

A pause.

"...Have you been drinking?"

"Nope." Ambrose replied quickly.

"I can tell there's alcohol in here."

"Nope, that's them."

"Me and uh, him.-Me." Roman and Seth replied at once.

"I'm gonna need you to follow us to the station."

"Officer." Roman began with a smile, and sticking out his fist, hoping to make conversation. "My man."

Moments later...

"...I cannot BELIEVE you talked me into this whole thing man, I cannot fucking believe it!" Seth snapped at Roman, as the three of them were now squished in the backseat of the cop car.

"Are you kidding me?! We were being hypothetical!" he argued back.

"Well, you were-I-"

"CAW CAW!" Dean began, trying to shut them up before the cops could hear them. Seth and Roman chimed in, realizing what he was doing. "CAW CAW! WOOF! WOOF! CAW CAW...WOOF."

Seth turned to Roman, raising an eyebrow. "Well, don't bark!"


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: Sorry if this one's a bit shorter than usual. :P**_

* * *

Chapter 8

After the long ride to the station, the three had ended up at the precinct, waiting to be interrogated. Seth and Roman sat next to one another, while a large, burly tattooed guy sat in between Rollins and Ambrose.

Seth sighed. "You know we're dead, right?"

"Why?" Roman turned to him.

"Cause they know everything! Cops are smart."

"You realize we can't even mention Laurinaitis now?" Dean spoke up.

"Yeah, I know-No shit, dude." they replied, turning to him.

"...Wait, why?" Roman asked.

"It's supposed to be an annonymous tip, Rome."

"Yeah, so?"

"Come on man, you want me to tell them the only reason I knew about Laurinaitis was because..." There was a beat of silence while a few cops walked past the three. Finally, Dean sarcastically continued, "So, should I just say that the only reason I knew about Laurinaitis was because I was parked in front of your dead boss's house with a box of rat poison? Huh?"

Another inmate turned to listen to them.

"Well, you were at the scene of the crime, so yeah." Roman shrugged. "It's a bad thing."

"You kinda...fled the scene of the crime." Seth added.

"That's true."

"That's actually a..a crime in itself."

"You shouldn't have done that." Roman agreed. "I'm the one person who hasn't done anything, actually."

"You broke into two people's houses." Rollins told him.

"So did you."

"I followed you AFTER you broke into a house."

"So?" Reigns replied.

"You stole a blackberry!" Seth cried.

"You did cocaine!" he argued back.

The inmate continued watching the hushed conversation going back and forth.

"Hey, I accidentally INHALED some cocaine, that's not doing-"

"What are you gonna do, rat me out?" Roman demanded.

"Maybe I will rat you out, motherfucker." he replied.

"You gonna rat me out, too?" Dean turned to him.

"I bet I could." he smirked, while the burly inmate sitting next to him looked down at him.

"Not if I rat him out first." Roman cried.

"You stole a Blackberry, you fled the scene of a crime, you raped my boss..." Seth rambled on.

"I did not rape her." he replied.

"Look, if you rat me out, you son of a bitch, I will kick your fucking ass..." Dean chimed in.

The three began to engage in a larger argument, when two detectives soon approached them.

"Gentlemen-GENTLEMEN!" one of them cried. "Right this way."

"Yeah-Let's DO it!" they agreed, getting up to follow them. "Come on! Let's go in there-let's go!"

* * *

In the interrogation room...

Detective Hagan asked first, "You wanna explain why you were doin' sixty one in a twenty five zone?" He showed Dean the speed camera photo taken of him speeding and looking like a deer in headlights. "One block from the victim's house, just moments after he got shot dead."

Dean twiddled his thumbs and came up with the only excuse he could think of. "I was drag racing."

Roman and Seth shot him confused looks.

"I'm a drag racer."

Detective Samson, the second guy, asked, "You were drag racing?"

"Mmm." he half nodded and half shrugged.

"In a Prius?"

Pause.

"...I don't win a lot." he admitted.

"Here's what I don't understand." Detective Hagan spoke up. "You were at the crime scene. An hour later, we find that you just happen to be hanging out with this little freaky motherfucker." he referred to Seth, who raised an eyebrow. "A registered sex offender."

"Err...it was an empty playground." he replied.

"And uh, this guy. Who just happens to be working for Bischoff Chemicals, the victim's company." he continued, turning to Roman.

He had another trick up his sleeve, though. "...What?" he cried, feigning innocence. "My boss was murdered?"

The detective looked at him.

"Oh, wow. What were you doing at his house, Dean?" the Samoan cried. Seth looked his way, too. "Why were you there?"

Ambrose silently cursed him out, while he nervously looked around. Then..."Where were YOU during the murder?" he asked back. Seth turned to him this time.

After a short pause, Reigns replied, "...I was making love."

More silence.

"I was making love to a woman. Yeah." he confirmed. "Murdering some ass."

Dean snarled at him.

"Hey detectives?"

"Yeah?"

"If one of us knew who the shooter was, and he was uh, willing to serve you that perp on a platter...he would be entitled to some sort of immunity, right?" Reigns continued.

"No." the detective replied. "He would be entitled to some jail time."

Roman frowned a bit.

"Because if he knew who the shooter was and didn't tell us, that would be obstruction of justice." he finished.

"Well, I'm glad none of us know who the shooter is!" the Samoan exclaimed, smiling again.

Detective Samson spoke up, "If you think we're gonna believe that this is all just a big coincidence, we're gonna be here for a long time."

Seth cried, "Okay, wait. By saying we're gonna be here for a long time, you're implying that we're not allowed to leave. Which would only be the case if we were under arrest. Are we under arrest?"

Detective Hagan paused. "...No. We just brought you in for questioning."

He snapped his fingers and grinned. "Well, then! Ipso facto, you don't have sufficient evidence, constituting probable cause for an arrest warrant?"

"Not yet." Samson replied.

"Well, uh...then pursuant to the fourth amendment, I believe we are free to go. Are we not?" he asked, standing up. Dean and Roman were shocked at their friend's vast knowledge of law.

Hagan reluctantly replied, "Yeah. Technically, yeah."

Rollins nodded. "Technically is good enough for me." he turned to his friends. "Gentlemen, we are free men. Let's go!"

Moments after, they quickly began leaving the station.

"All right, so we're gonna head to your car..." Seth began. "Let's keep moving, get the hell outta here."

"You wanna find a cab or something? Get a train?" Roman asked. "Have you ever been on a subway in this town? There's a subway, you know that?"

"Anyways, that was pretty fuckin' awesome, Seth. Where'd that come from?" Dean asked.

"Law and Order! Okay. You learn some stuff." he smiled proudly.

"You sure did." Roman nodded, sharing a knuckle punch with him.

"Yeah, so stop giving me shit about it, ok? It's a great show."

"Well, you were about to turn us in." Dean said, turning to Roman as they stepped into the elevator.

"Like you weren't going to do the same to us!" Roman cried.

"If you guys stop ratting each other out, we'll be fine." Rollins finished, but before the elevator doors could close, one of the detectives stopped it.

"Hold on a sec." He handed Dean a traffic citation. "That's for you hotshots. For speeding and running a red light. Don't get too comfortable out there. Our forensics team is sweeping the Bischoff house right now for DNA and fingerprints. And I'll tell ya something. They don't miss shit."

And right then and there, Roman had a realization - he remembered completely violating Bischoff's items that night they'd broke in his house and shoving practically everything up his privates. That was enough incriminating DNA for sure. Snapping back to reality, Reigns stood in the elevator with wide, nervous eyes while Seth and Dean eyed him down suspiciously.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Enjoy! ^_^**_

* * *

Chapter 9

Later, in the car ride back...

"WHY WOULD YOU PUT HIS WHOLE BATHROOM UP YOUR DICK?!" Seth screamed, irate.

"I didn't know I had DNA up my dick!" Reigns cried back.

"You LIE! You KNOW there's DNA up your dick!" he snapped back.

"I didn't!"

"You just like shoving shit up your dick! YOU FUCKING PERVERT!" Rollins cried.

Dean defeatedly tossed his arms in the air. "We're lawyering up, man! That's fucking it."

Seth was still extremely pissed off. "I don't have money for a lawyer, okay? I bought a very expensive ring for my fiancee, that I can't afford! And then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!"

"That's who we should talk to." Roman said quickly.

"Sure, why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?" Dean asked flatly.

"No, no, no! Five thousand forty with the briefcase!" Seth chimed in.

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT CASE?!" Dean and Roman snapped in unison, while Rollins coiled back into the seat.

...

Moments later, they reached the bar that MF Jones was hanging out in once more. With the loud rap music blasting in the background, they greeted him.

"Hey, Motherfucker!" Roman exclaimed as they took their seats next to him.

"Hey!" he greeted coolly. "Look who's back, look who's back. What happened to that 'Strangers On A Train' shit?"

"Oh, it worked out, man-it worked out." they muttered at once.

"One of our intended victims killed one of the other intended victims." Dean revealed.

"Mmhmm." Roman nodded.

MF looked at them, surprised. "Shut up!"

Ambrose agreed, "Yeah. It's gone fucking bad."

"You guys are some fuckin' evil geniuses."

Reigns chuckled. "No. No."

Seth chuckled along. "Well, thank you. Yeah, but actually we had nothing to do with it. See, you don't know how it happened, right? The cops, they bring US in as suspects, and now the DA's on our asses because Roman shoved a toothbrush up his dick."

"Huh?" MF questioned while Reigns cautiously glanced around.

"That's-that's not the point." he replied.

"I'm trying to give him the whole story!" Rollins exclaimed.

"I gotcha, first things first, you gotta handle your business." MF continued.

"Mmhmm."

He looked between them all. "...Give me five thousand dollars."

"NO!-No more money." they cried.

"Two thousand."

"Nope-absolutely not-no way, Motherfucker-just no."

"I-alright. Pay for my drinks."

"Pay for...all right, fine-I'll do that." they agreed.

"We're good negotiators." Seth announced.

"Look, the guy that killed the other guy you were planning on killing, are the cops after him?" he asked.

"No-They don't suspect him."

"Then this is what you need to do. Get him to confess to the murder while you're wearing a wire." he announced.

Roman thought it over and nodded. "A wire? We can do that. That's easy. Yeah."

"Is that how they got you? When you murdered somebody?" asked Dean.

Jones gave them a look whilst taking a sip of his drink through his straw.

"I never murdered nobody." he muttered.

"Sorry?"

"I never murdered anybody."

"Wait! No! You said you did a dime for some pretty nasty shit?" Roman reminded him.

"There was some nasty shit. But does that mean I murdered somebody? Where did you hear murder?"

"Well, you certainly implied it!" he cried.

"If you didn't murder someone, what did you do?" Seth wondered.

MF began, "Alright. Listen, come here."

They moved their heads closer to him.

"You guys ever see the movie 'Snow Falling on Cedars'?"

Roman shook his head. "No."

Dean looked quizzingly towards him. "I've never seen it."

Seth grinned. "I love that movie."

Motherfucker continued, "What happened was that I took a video camera into the movie and I bootlegged it. They was waitin' for me right outside the exit."

A pause.

"You did ten years for video piracy?" Ambrose asked, confused.

"They take that shit so serious."

"We've been taking murder advice from some guy, whose biggest crime is taping an Ethan Hawke movie!" Reigns cried.

He turned to him. "So, you DO know the movie."

He nodded quickly. "I know who's in it. I know who's in it. Yeah."

"That's not the point!" Seth exclaimed. "You tricked us, Motherfu...you know what, wait a second. Something doesn't stack up quite right with this. So you just call yourself a video pirate, right? Pirating the high seas of vidiocy? Why do you carry a gun on you, mister video pirate?"

"A gun?" he paused, slipping out an iPhone. "It's my cell phone."

"An iPhone. I'm gonna be in the car." Dean announced, turning around to leave.

"Shit." Roman muttered.

"Well, you grabbed at it like a gun and confused people. Goddamn it, I feel like a moron." Rollins pouted.

"Come on, let's go." he replied.

"You ARE a moron." MF called.

They turned back to him.

"Look, you don't go into a bar and hand a guy $5,000 just cause he's black."

"No, it's never a black/white thing, I-" Seth began, but it was no use.

"Come on, let's go. Let's go." Reigns patted him on the back as he led them away. "Seth."

"Y'all mothafuckers crazy." he chuckled.

* * *

Later that same evening...

The boys had pulled up to Laurinaitis's house once again, ready for the next phase of their plan.

"Wow, it's pretty quiet up here." Roman observed, driving.

"All right, all right, so I got the tape ready to roll, I got some fresh batteries in here," Seth began, holding up the tape recorder.

"All right."

"So this is a pretty big investment on my part, and I feel that I should be the one who does the tape recording."

"No way. No. I'll do it." Roman replied, grabbing it.

"You'll do it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you'll have to duct tape that thing to your chest, bud."

He glanced back at him. "I can't tape this to my chest, it'll leave tape marks."

"Well then put it in your pants! Don't tape it to your chest." Dean replied, before the three stepped out.

"So what do we do? Wait for him to come home, and like, grab an office chair or something? One of us gets in the chair, spins around, like dramatically confronts him?" Rollins asked.

"Great. I'm in the chair." Dean announced.

"Dean's in the chair."

"Why does Dean get to be in the chair?" Roman asked.

"Cause he's MY boss."

"Wait, Rome's making a great point. Why don't we get three chairs and spin around at the same time?" Rollins continued.

"What the fuck's that?" Ambrose demanded.

"That's not intimidating, that's a musical number." Reigns replied.

Soon enough, Dean quietly opened the front door, while Roman whispered, "Watch out for the cat."

Once the light turned on though, they nearly jumped once party music came on and a ton of people popped from out of nowhere yelling, "SURPRISE!"

Candice, Johnny's wife stood first. "Oh, it's a false alarm. Ok, mingle, mingle, mingle." she told everyone else, before approaching the three. "Hi. Who are you? Come on in, come on in."

"Yeah! Yeah." Dean quickly shut the door.

"Ok, now wait, you're the young man who helped Johnny out on the street the other night, right?" she asked Seth.

"That's him." Dean nodded.

"Yeah! That's...that's who I am. How is he?" he asked.

"He is great, thanks to you. Thank you!" she smiled while he nodded. "...Did I invite you here?"

"Uh, you didn't, you didn't, see..."

"I uh, work for your husband. I'm Dean, these are my plus twos." Ambrose replied with a light chuckle.

Before she could reply, a man called, "He's in the garage!"

"Oh! We should hide, we should hide. Everybody in!" she exclaimed, leading them into the den.

"Somebody get the lights!" a woman called.

"Get down, get down..."

As everyone hid, Roman hid behind Candice and whispered, "Uh hi, I'm Roman. I didn't get to introduce myself earlier at the door."

She quickly turned around and shook his hand. "Hi, I'm Candice."

"Hi, Candice, nice knowing you." he grinned. "Y'know, Dean didn't tell me that his boss was married to a model."

"Heh, yeah. NOT a model."

"When did you quit?" he asked, while she grew speechless this time and giggled.

Moments later, Laurinaitis stepped in the room while the lights came on and everyone cried, "SURPRISE!"

Instead of being surprised though, Johnny seemed irate, evident by his angry stamping around. "Agh! GOD, I hate that!" he cried.

The partygoers' smiles faded, while Candice approached him. "Hey, what's got you, honey? So were you surprised?"

"Uh...yeah."

"See, everybody's here!"

"Yeah, huh huh...let me put my stuff down." he muttered, walking away. "She knows I HATE that shit!"

"Oh, I think we got him. We got him good." she smiled.

Seeing Laurinaitis storm into his personal office, the boys huddled together again.

"All right, he's alone now." Ambrose began.

"You guys ready?" Seth asked.

Roman paid no mind though, as the only thing he was currently lusting over was Candice. "Yeah. Very ready." he said blankly.

The others didn't notice this. "Ok, let's do it." Dean announced, while he and Seth headed into Johnny's room. Reigns, in the meantime, headed the other way.

"Let's do it." he echoed, ready to have himself some fun.

Ambrose and Rollins quietly stepped into Laurinaitis's office. "Laurinaitis?" Dean called first.

Annoyed, he dropped his papers and eyed them down. "Oh. I can't believe my wife invited you. What the HELL are you doing here?" he turned to Seth. "Came to stab me a few more times?"

"We know what you did." Dean continued.

"What does that mean?"

"We were there. We saw you kill him."

He smirked. "Really? So what is this? A shakedown? You think you can blackmail me because you saw me kill my wife's lover?"

Dean winced, waiting for the big reveal to come. So close!

"Say his name!" Seth cried loudly, startling them both.

"What?" Laurinaitis questioned.

"That man you killed, you say his name!"

"Bischoff! Trust me, Bischoff's name means nothing anymore." he revealed.

Dean grinned evilly. "There it is! Thank you. Let's do it guys?"

"Yeah, that's right." Johnny nodded.

Dean looked around for Roman, but he wasn't in the room.

"Where the fuck is Reigns?" he muttered.

"I killed Bischoff!" he exclaimed again.

"Wait, wait, hold that thought. I'm missing one guy, my friend Roman." Ambrose cried, getting more and more agitated.

Laurinaitis ignored him and continued, "I walked right up to his door, I put a gun in his chest and I shot him! And then you know what? You know what I did after that? I shot him again! Now let me tell you something. I liked it. So if you think that I'm some sort of pussy, who wouldn't do exactly the same thing to a couple of lame-assed blackmailers? Think again."

Dean quickly looked back towards the living room and said, "You know, who really thinks you're a pussy is my friend Roman. Let me go grab him and you can tell him exactly what you just -"

"You know, you are pathetic, Ambrose. You walk into my house, on my goddamn birthday and pull this shit? Well, let me tell you something. You're dead. You," he turned to Seth. "And YOU, and..."

"Roman." Dean said quietly.

"Roman. Dead men." he finished with that evil gleam of his.

"Hey, I didn't know it was your birthday, so..." Seth stopped in mid sentence once they observed Johnny reaching into a drawer. "Wait. Whatcha got there? What is that?"

"What are you doing?" Ambrose asked.

"Just gettin' my gun, it'll only take a second."

The two paled.

"Ok, we better get in the car, then." he said quickly, rushing out of the room alongside Rollins.

"Let's amscray." he agreed. Looking thoroughly freaked out, Dean and Seth pushed their way through the partygoers.

"We had him! We had the whole goddamn thing. What the fuck happened to Roman?" Dean demanded, pissed.

Just then, Roman emerged from a hallway, buckling his belt and looking strangely red in the face.

"Hey, YOU!" Seth cried.

"Oh, hey." he smiled.

"And where the fuck were you?!" Dean demanded.

"Oh uh, I was in there, had to take a piss." he replied, while Candice sneakily slid out of the same room in the background.

"He confessed everything! Now he's grabbing a gun, you fucking idiot!" Seth snapped.

"Damn it, Rome, you didn't-?" Ambrose asked while Candice approached him.

"Oh, uh, she was giving me a tour of the mound-uh, house." he said quickly.

Seth slapped him across the face.

"OW!"

Dean slapped him across the face, too.

"OW! What are you-"

"NOW! Let's get in the car, right now!" the two exclaimed, dragging the Samoan outside with them. All while Laurinaitis refused to take his eyes off of the fleeing trio. He knew just what he had to do next. With a grim look, he calmly headed to the garage.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: Ok peeps, the story's almost coming to a close. :( Next chappie will be the last. Either way, enjoy! ^_^**_

* * *

Chapter 10

Soon after, the three ended back up on the road, fleeing the house as quickly as they could...

Dean was steaming mad while Roman continued driving, all while Seth fiddled with the tape recorder in the back.

"Look, I wasn't thinking, okay? I'm sorry!" Roman spoke up, breaking the silence. "She's so hot and I'm so weak. I'm a weak, weak man. Ok, I admit it!"

Once the car turned down another street, they screeched to a halt once about five police cars cornered around Roman's apartment.

"Oh, shit!" Seth cried. "OH, shit!"

"They found my DNA." Reigns muttered.

"Back the fucking car up, please. Back it fucking up!" Dean cried while he did just that.

"They found your dick-brush!" Rollins snapped. "You know what, you are OBSESSED with your dick, you are OBSESSED with it!"

"No, I'm not, it was a prank!" Roman argued. "It was a prank!"

"Hey, hey, SHUT IT DOWN!" Dean exclaimed. "Let's start talkin' about where we're gonna LIVE. Cause the current situation won't work!"

"Yep. Yep, exactly." Reigns agreed. "There's gonna be cops everywhere."

"Are you talking about fleeing the country?" asked Seth.

"Damn right, I'm talking about that. I'm talking about Canada or Mexico." Ambrose replied.

"That's right. Make a choice." Reigns nodded.

"I can't move to Mexico, I can't handle the-you know, I'll probably die-" Seth cried.

"What, you want to go to jail for the rest of your life?!" Roman snapped.

"Well there's the heat and I'm gonna blister up like a-"

"Will you shut the fuck up?!" Dean called over them both.

"Wait, wait, I'm getting a call. I gotta get this." Rollins said, answering his cell. "Hello?"

"Hello, Lover." Kelly announced, naked and in a tub filled with suds and was surrounded by candles in a dimly lit room.

"Uhhh, Kelly, now's not a good time to talk." he replied.

"Hey, I'm not here. I'm not here." Roman whispered.

"No, it's ok. I actually meant to call your home phone." the blonde replied, while his eyes widened. "Y'know, tell Kaitlyn about us."

"NO! No, no, no, no. Don't do that. Wait, you gotta wait." Rollins cried.

"...And there's the metric system, and we gotta buy coats, and learn hockey, and all that SHIT." Dean muttered to himself, mentally planning their trip to Canada.

Meanwhile, Kelly continued, "Well I think I've waited long enough, Seth. I'm kinda...tired of you messing with my emotions."

"Uhh, I'm not playin' with ya, I'm not toyin' with ya, I'm gonna take care of it. I'm gonna take care of it." he assured.

"Wait, wait, wait." she paused. "What are you gonna do to me?"

Seth paused as well. "I'm gonna have sex with you."

"What?" Roman asked quietly, turning back while Dean miserably shook his head.

_"I want you to give me details, you pussy. And please be explicit." _the blonde replied, on the other end.

Rollins nervously looked around and uttered, "You want details? I'm in a car with people, now's not the time for details."

"I don't care if it's not a great time."

"Ok, fine. I'm gonna...make you feel good. Y'know...with my fingers...and my tongue. And whatnot."

"Oh." Dean and Roman sighed, rolling their eyes.

_"I know you can do better than that."_

"All right, uh, I'm gonna put my penis in your pussy, Kelly!" Seth exclaimed.

"Oh boy, that's gonna get me off." Ambrose said sarcastically.

In the meantime, Laurinaitis roared down the street, eying down his prey which wasn't too far away from him to begin with. In fact, he was right behind them. And he greeted them by bumping their car from behind.

"WHOA!-Shit!-What the fuck was that?!" they cried, bracing for impact.

They were bumped even harder.

"What the FUCK?!" Roman cried.

Dean quickly looked back. "It's John!"

"Oh, my God..." he whined, seeing as Johnny's car sideswiped his from the side, taking off one of the rearview mirrors. From Dean's side, he could see the angry, sadistic look of his boss glaring right at him.

"He's gonna fucking kill us!" Seth cried.

"C'mon, we gotta get outta here!" Dean exclaimed. "Whoa, whoa, careful!" After swerving in and out of traffic and trying to avoid obstacles in the road, Kelly continued trying to get some 'details' out of Seth.

"Hey, are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock, Seth?" she asked.

"YES, I'll slap you in the face with my cock!" Rollins cried, mostly in fear while the three were being tossed around in the vehicle like a group of rag dolls.

"This is fucking crazy!" Reigns cried, looking in his rearview mirror to see Johnny's car tailgating them again.

"Don't hit the truck!" Dean snapped.

"It's GO time!" he replied, speeding even faster.

"Okay. More, Seth." Kelly called.

"I'll climb on top of you and spank your ass until it's raw!" he cried. "And you can do the same to me, till we're both really chafed up real bad!"

Laurinaitis rammed their car again, sending them on a 360 degree swerve across the street while they screamed for mercy. _"AAAHH!"_

Now though, they were stopped in the middle of the street with more oncoming traffic headed towards them.

"This ain't gonna work, go, Rome, GO, GO!" Dean cried.

"I got it, I got it!" Roman nodded, quickly maneuvering the vehicle back on the road.

"Come on, Seth..." Kelly continued.

"I'll lick your arms and stuff!" he cried.

"What else?"

"And then I'll... jam my fist right up your ass!"

"Aah." Kelly smiled and squealed in reply.

Meanwhile, the guys' car was still being ransacked across the highway.

"AAH!" Roman and Dean screamed.

"YEAH, BABY!" Seth screamed over the phone.

"That way, turn fucking that way!" Ambrose cried.

"I'll dance on your boobies and I'll jump up and down on your ass!" Rollins continued as the car made a sharp turn down another street.

Meanwhile, Kelly sighed in relief, smiling all the way. "...I'll see you Friday, dirty bird."

"Yeah Friday, see you Friday!" he quickly hung up and yelled at Roman, "Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Roman!"

"Oh, sorry! Maybe I should've been dancing on her boobs!" he cried sarcastically.

"And that's very good driving, by the way." Dean pointed out, glancing at him.

"Thank you, thank you very much."

Suddenly, the NavGuide came on and Gregory announced, _"Good evening, Mr. Reigns."_

"Uh, hey, Gregory, how are you?" Roman asked, still jilted from before.

_"Our on-board sensors report that you had a collison?"_

"Yeah, thanks, Gregory, we know. We're being chased by a crazy man _who just hit us!"_ he snapped back.

_"I will alert the authorities and direct them to your location."_

"No, wait! Don't call the cops! They're already after us." Dean cried.

"No Gregory, they think that we murdered someone!" Seth exclaimed. "Do NOT call the cops!"

The car turned down another street, but gradually got slower and slower.

"Hey. Hey, what's goin' on, Rome, why you stopping? Go, go, GO!" Ambrose exclaimed.

"No, I didn't do that, the engine died!" he exclaimed, desperately punching the accelerator.

_"I have remotely disabled your engine."_

"WHAT?!" Reigns cried in disbelief.

_"Standard navguide protocol. Whenever a driver has committed a crime."_

"I pay $19.95 a month for this fucking service!" he snapped.

_"Please remain in your vehicle because the police will be arriving shortly."_

"Gregory, I thought you were our fuckin' friend, man!" Seth screamed angrily.

Suddenly, Laurinaitis 's car PLOWED into the rear of Roman's, forcing it into the back of a parked car. Even if the engine was working, there'd be nowhere to go now. Dazed from the impact, the airbags slowly deflated before Dean and Roman, while Seth slowly inched his way back to a sitting position in the back.

"Ohhh...ah..." he groaned.

A sudden knock on the window from Laurinaitis (and his gun) didn't give the boys any time to rest. Roman, Dean, and Seth nervously eyed him down.

"Get out of the car. All of you." he demanded. "Come on!"

The three guys nervously exited the car and faced Laurinaitis , who continued to point the gun at them.

"Hey, remember when I saved your life and all-" Seth began.

"Shut up!"

"Just take it easy, man." Roman replied.

"Shut up. Now I got six bullets in this gun. That means I can shoot each one of you twice, just like that bastard, Bischoff. If I really wanted to, but I'm not gonna do that."

"You're not gonna shoot us, or you're not gonna shoot us twice? Be clear." Rollins spoke up again.

"Shut. Up."

He looked down and bit his lower lip.

"I got a better idea. I'm gonna tell the cops that YOU killed Bischoff. And when I found out, you tried to kill me to shut me up." he explained, smirking.

"That's crazy." Roman muttered.

"Isn't it? Because I don't see one shred of evidence that proves that I shot Bischoff. And besides," he continued, polishing his gun to get rid of his own fingerprints. "I'm the guy with a bullet in his leg."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "What?"

And with that, Johnny did what he said he'd do and shot his own leg, while the others jumped back.

"WHOA!"

"AAH, God, that hurts so much. Son of a bitch!" he cried through clenched teeth." He tossed the gun towards Seth. "Hey, catch!"

"No, don't ca-" they began, when Rollins caught the gun anyway with wide, scared eyes.

"Goddamn it, Seth!" Roman cried, exasperated.

"You see?! You can't win a marathon without putting band-aids on your nipples." Laurinaitis continued.

"...What does that mean?" Seth questioned.

"Hey, watch this." he began, before faking his own pain and 'collapsing' to the ground. Right when the police arrived at the scene.

"Everybody FREEZE! Police! They have a gun!" they called at once, drawing their weapons.

Meanwhile, the boys had no choice but to put their hands up in surrender.

"Aah!" Seth cried, tossing the gun away. They quickly fell to their knees.

"DON'T MOVE!"

"Wait, it's a mistake!" Dean called. "It's an honest mistake!"

"Oh, thank God you came! These guys, they shot me!" Johnny cried, getting back up.

"That's not true!" Seth screamed.

"Bullshit!" Roman exclaimed as the guards thrusted their weapons at them to shut them up.

"Bullshit, they murdered someone and they tried to shut me up!" he said quickly. "Please protect me from them, I have a wife! And a cat!"

"Okay, take it easy." the detective replied.

Meanwhile, while the officers frisked the boys, one slipped out something from Roman's back. "Hey, what the hell is this?!"

"It's a tape recorder!" he exclaimed. A pause. "Oh shit! It's the tape recorder!"

"It's a tape recorder." Dean smiled, catching on.

The officer tossed it towards the detective.

"NO! Wait! It's been recording the whole time!" Reigns realized.

"Listen to us, officer!" Seth exclaimed as they stood back up.

"HEY-HANDS UP!"

They raised their arms.

"Hey, listen to us for one second. He confessed to killing Bischoff." Seth began, while the others nodded. "He said he shot him twice, and then he was gonna shoot us twice, he was very clear about that part!"

"That's right." Dean nodded.

"You are insane." Johnny frowned.

"Just play the tape." he replied.

"Play the tape." Roman agreed.

The detective eyed them down before playing the contents of the tape:

Roman was heard whispering, _"But all those people are right outside."_

Candice replied, _"Ooh, your balls are so smooth."_

Everyone exchanged shocked looks.

"Wait a minute. Is that my wife?!" Laurinaitis cried.

"No, no. Of course not, let's move past that." Roman lied, shaking his head.

The detective fast forwarded to...

_"... jam my fist right up your ass!"_

Seth paled.

_"And I'll dance on your boobies and jump up and down on your ass!"_

Laurinaitis and the detective stared at him in disgust.

"What the fuck is this?" the detective demanded.

"Well, don't judge me. I have a thing going on with my boss, it's really none of your business..." Rollins replied.

"Seth, shut the fuck up." Dean muttered quickly.

"If you could get to the end?"

The recording ended with the sound of Laurinaitis 's truck crashing into the boys' car, and the guys' screams that were heard seconds later. "There's nothing on here!" he concluded.

"Shit!" Reigns cried, defeated.

"What happened?" cried Seth.

"Thing must've stopped recording when we crashed." he sighed.

"And right before this guy supposedly confessed?" the detective asked.

"Hey. These guys are liars, they cannot be trusted." Johnny replied sternly. "They shot me in the leg, they killed a guy..."

"He shot himself!" Rollins interrupted.

"All right, I don't need to hear anything else." the detective announced.

For a few moments, Dean, Seth, and Roman exchanged looks. Then...

"Cuff em."

"Oh, my God..." Dean muttered. As the officers swarmed to apprehend them.

"Wait, you don't need to cuff us..." Seth began.

"Oh my God, we're going to jail." Roman realized.

Dean flashed him a defeated look in reply, while his hands were being cuffed.

"We're going to fucking jail!" he repeated. "Unbelieveable."

"It hurts. It hurts..." Laurinaitis whined to the detective.

But before anything else could be done, Gregory spoke up again. _"Excuse me? Officers?"_

Everyone stopped and turned to the car.

_"I should mention that it is Navguide policy to record all conversations for quality assurance."_

"Who the hell's that?" Johnny questioned, peeking inside the car.

Meanwhile, the boys smiled in relief.

"That's our Navguide ref!" Dean grinned.

"His name is Almonond." Roman smiled along.

"Altmonmond!" Seth exclaimed.

"Almanmond." Ambrose chimed in.

"Altmanmond was what it was!" he replied.

_"Atmanand."_

"Atman-Gregory, uh, play what he said!" Roman cried.

"Yeah, just after the crash!" Dean added.

_"Very good, sir."_

Laurinaitis scoffed and turned to the detective. "Oh, come on! You're not gonna listen to this, this isn't evidence!"

_"Now I got six bullets in this gun. That means I can shoot each one of you twice, just like that bastard, Bischoff. If I really wanted to, but I'm not gonna do that."_ his voice revealed, to the joy of the guys. While they shared huge smiles and laughed in triumph, Johnny paled himself and quickly shook his head.

"That's it!" Dean exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

"That's it." the detective agreed, turning to Johnny. "It was you."

"YEAH!-Oh ho!" the boys cheered, high fiving one another. "Fuck yeah!"

"No. No, that is NOT true." Laurinaitis argued. "It's just a car. You're not gonna listen to a car!"

While he was being handcuffed, Ambrose smirked and replied, "I guess I'm getting that promotion after all. Yeah."

He seethed.

"Oh! And to answer your question, that WAS your wife!" Roman exclaimed, amused.

"You fucked my wife?!" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I fucked your wife." he laughed.

Johnny wasn't amused one bit. "You..fucked my wife!" he snapped, charging towards him while Dean stepped ahead and swung a HARD punch across his former boss's face.

"OOH!" Roman and Seth winced, chuckling.

"Ow..." he groaned, on the ground again.

"Yeah..." Ambrose chuckled, shaking off his hand. "How you like them nipples?"

Seth snickered. "Did you just do a catchphrase?"

"'Good Will Hunting.'" he nodded.

Meanwhile, the police picked up Johnny and led him towards their car. "'Good Will Hunting'?" he hissed back.

"Yeah-Iconic!" they agreed, watching him get carted away.

"Oh, and Happy Birthday!" Rollins called, grinning and sending him a wave.

Dean VO: _"So in the end, we didn't wind up going to jail. Well, actually we did later on that night, when they brought us in and booked us. But since we led the cops to Laurinaitis, they ultimately agreed to let our other offenses slide. And strangely enough, lucky for Roman, there's no laws in the books against putting people's toiletries up your dick."_


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Welp, this is the end! *tear tear* But anyways, thank you ALL for all the reviews, faves, follows, and reads! *Hands cookies to everyone* ^_^ Enjoy!**_

* * *

Chapter 11

The next day was a bright, sunny new one, and Dean pulled up to his job...in his new, executive parking space.

_"Anyway, with Laurinaitis in his new position, on all fours in prison for twenty five to life, Comnidyne made me acting president. It's a great job, I got a solid raise and I'm actually my own boss. Well, accept for the CEO."_

"Hey, morning." Dean smiled, shaking the hand of an older man who stepped out of his car.

"Morning! You must be Dean."

"I am."

"Well, it's great to finally meet ya."

"You too, Mr. Sherman."

"No, please. Lou."

"Okay. Lou." he nodded. "I want you to know that I appreciate the opportunity you've given me, and I-I won't let ya down."

"Well, I'm sure you won't, son." he sent him a nod before walking off.

_"From what I hear, people say he's the nicest guy in the world."_

Dean was about to follow him inside, but stopped once he heard knocking from the back of the Mr. Sherman's trunk. And a voice.

_"Mr. Sherman, I'm sorry your coffee was cold..."_

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Lou?"

VO:_ "...Most people."_

He turned back.

_"Mr. Sherman, I'm hungryyyy...can I come out now, please?"_

"You hear that?" Dean asked.

He shook his head. "...No."

"Sounds like there's someone in your trunk."

"Dean...uh, why don't you let this be...our little secret." he finished, grinning creepily and leaving Ambrose with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

_"I need a shower!" _the muffled voice cried.

_"Yeah. Turns out my new boss is a **'Twisted Old Fuck'**."_

* * *

_"Meanwhile, the Bischoff family put the most senior person in charge of the company. Which wasn't Roman. But he was okay with that. Because he realized, that when you're the boss, sometimes people want you dead."_

Roman entered his job with all smiles, once again saying hello to everyone, and even knuckle-punched Hank, the cripple who was fired and recently hired back just that morning. Soon, he stepped into Nikki Bella's office.

"Well, hi, Rome!" she greeted. "Come in!"

He smiled. "Nikki, I wanted to congratulate you."

"Thank you." she smiled.

"And if there's anything I can do, obviously to uh...help you out before the baby gets here, just let me know."

She raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What baby?"

He chuckled. "Your baby." And he enhanced that statement by touching her protruding stomach.

"...I'm not pregnant." she frowned.

Roman froze where he was. "So, I'm just touching you."

Saying nothing, she simply gave him a look.

Reigns nervously looked around and then reeled back. "...Yuy."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Dental office...

"Kelly?" Seth asked, sitting before a doped up patient.

The blonde smiled and shut the blinds closed.

"I was thinking that we should..." he smirked. "_Drill_ the patient first."

VO:_ "And Seth? Ultimately he decided his only choice was to screw Kelly after all."_

She smiled and hovered over him. "You just continue to surprise me. You dirty, dirty little man."

He imitated her seductive tone and smiled. "Just you wait."

Then, she began to yank off the patient's pants, revealing his red speedos underneath. "You like that, Seth? You LIKE it?"

"Oh my God, yeah!" he nodded.

"Ohh..." Kelly began, trailing her hands up the patient's legs and then glancing down at his crotch. She imitated in a small voice, "'Oh! How I wish I could have sex with Kelly!'"

Suddenly though, the patient began laughing uncontrollably, sitting up to reveal that he was the guys' friend from the bar, Brad Maddox.

Kelly, in the meantime, was NOT amused. "Wait-what?!"

"Hee hee, oh my God, it's amazing!" Brad cried, while Seth laughed along.

"She was talking to your dick! Hah hah!" he exclaimed.

"Wait, who are you?!" she demanded.

"Kelly! This is my good friend, Brad Maddox!" Seth announced, placing his hands over his shoulders. "'Most Likely To Succeed'!"

"Oh, don't you touch me!" the blonde cried, reeling back from Brad who reached out towards her.

"Now Brad here, he'll do just about anything for fifty bucks."

"It's true." he nodded.

"It's not pretty. And that's why I asked him to help me frame you." he explained.

"Really? Is this all you've got?" Kelly demanded. "Your word against mine?"

"Well, don't forget about that guy." Seth gestured to the window, where Motherfucker Jones was spying with the camera he used to bootleg his movies. He flashed her a big smile. "Sey hello to my cameraman. He's filmed a lot of Hollywood hits."

"You're a sick little bastard." Kelly snapped, before giving MF the hand. "You are a SICK little bastard!"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am. Look, Kelly-"

"You want to tell me-"

"Kelly, SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND, all right?" Rollins snapped, shutting her up while she glared at him. "Now alright, here's what's gonna happen, okay. I'm gonna take a very nice, very _expensive _two week vacation with my fiancee. Let's call it a honeymoon, alright? And you are gonna pay for it. Then I'm gonna return to a RAPE FREE work place, alright? Because, if you so much as look at my sexy little ass, Kelly, I will have yours LOCKED the fuck up! You CRAAAAZY...BITCH...WHORE!"

Pause.

Seth sighed happily. "Ah! That felt good!"


End file.
